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We just had a 4 yr old start last week. His grandparents have custody of him (they are still pretty young. later 40's I would guess). His very first day was awful. He is very very very defiant. He cannot take ANY direction. Something as simple as asking him to wash his hands for lunch, he will refuse just because he was asked to. If we give him a choice (you can do this or this), he refuses to choose one, so we let him know we can shoose, or he can choose. He still won't choose, so we choose for him, and take his hand to lead him to wherever he needs to be/do whatever he needs to do. When we take his hand, he immediately gets really mad, starts screaming and crying, will slap at us, try to scratch, pinch, etc.
He refuses to sit in time out when he needs it (which was much needed even on his very first day!). He knocks the chair over and runs off. If we pick him up to place him on the chair, he stiffens up so we can't sit him in it. He fights it tooth and nail. BUT during free play or outdoor play, he is an awsome little boy. Plays well and plays well with the other children, runs to us for hugs, etc.
Extremely sweet. But the moment he is asked to do anything at all besides free play, he immediately loses it. When he comes in around 7:30 am, he takes a full nap, but first he has to avoid it as long as possible, running to the other room to play, running to the restroom becuse he has to potty, just out and out refusing to get on his cot. When we lead him to it, he likes to pick things up along the way and throw them, and then jump off the cot and run the second he gets to it, laughing the whole time. We keep thinking with a lot of consistancy and firmness we might be able to get somewhere with him. And since he has such good moments, when he's free playing, we keep thinking we can help. He is full time and we need this full time spot filled really really bad. BUT we do not want it to be at the expense of the other children. He has not done ANYthing against the other children (except calling them a baby when he's mad at us, knowing that that makes them madder than anything else). He's had perfect opportunities to do something to the other children, but he hasn't done a single thing to them, no matter how mad he is at them. It is just all directed at anyone in authority.
His Grandma tells us he never had any problems before a child started at his old daycare who behaved terribly. She said that child was terminated within just a few weeks, but that her grandson just took the other child's spot behavior wise. I cant figure out why this boy would continue with the terrible behavior even on his very first day with us. Usually children wait a couple weeks before they exhibit their behavior, even if they were doing it at their old daycare. We know his behavior could "rub off" on the other children in our care like the other child did him, but we keep thinking maybe we can curb the defiance before that happens. But each day we think he's making progress, the very next day his behavior is terrible again (when asked to do/stop anything). He knows exactly what he's doing everytime.
A very bright little boy. We know there's nothing like autsim or aspergers going on with him. He is a very normal (But very defiant) little boy. Really, that is his only problem. He cannot take authority. His Grandma says his teacher at his old daycare was easy going and not firm enough with him, so he wouldn't listen to her, but he would the other teachers. I doubt that, since he doesn't listen to either of us here, even on his first day, and without even knowing us first.
Your thoughts on all this? If we terminate, we know no one else will take him either, and it certainly won't be doing this little boy any favors to be jerked from daycare to daycare.
He refuses to sit in time out when he needs it (which was much needed even on his very first day!). He knocks the chair over and runs off. If we pick him up to place him on the chair, he stiffens up so we can't sit him in it. He fights it tooth and nail. BUT during free play or outdoor play, he is an awsome little boy. Plays well and plays well with the other children, runs to us for hugs, etc.
Extremely sweet. But the moment he is asked to do anything at all besides free play, he immediately loses it. When he comes in around 7:30 am, he takes a full nap, but first he has to avoid it as long as possible, running to the other room to play, running to the restroom becuse he has to potty, just out and out refusing to get on his cot. When we lead him to it, he likes to pick things up along the way and throw them, and then jump off the cot and run the second he gets to it, laughing the whole time. We keep thinking with a lot of consistancy and firmness we might be able to get somewhere with him. And since he has such good moments, when he's free playing, we keep thinking we can help. He is full time and we need this full time spot filled really really bad. BUT we do not want it to be at the expense of the other children. He has not done ANYthing against the other children (except calling them a baby when he's mad at us, knowing that that makes them madder than anything else). He's had perfect opportunities to do something to the other children, but he hasn't done a single thing to them, no matter how mad he is at them. It is just all directed at anyone in authority.
His Grandma tells us he never had any problems before a child started at his old daycare who behaved terribly. She said that child was terminated within just a few weeks, but that her grandson just took the other child's spot behavior wise. I cant figure out why this boy would continue with the terrible behavior even on his very first day with us. Usually children wait a couple weeks before they exhibit their behavior, even if they were doing it at their old daycare. We know his behavior could "rub off" on the other children in our care like the other child did him, but we keep thinking maybe we can curb the defiance before that happens. But each day we think he's making progress, the very next day his behavior is terrible again (when asked to do/stop anything). He knows exactly what he's doing everytime.
A very bright little boy. We know there's nothing like autsim or aspergers going on with him. He is a very normal (But very defiant) little boy. Really, that is his only problem. He cannot take authority. His Grandma says his teacher at his old daycare was easy going and not firm enough with him, so he wouldn't listen to her, but he would the other teachers. I doubt that, since he doesn't listen to either of us here, even on his first day, and without even knowing us first.
Your thoughts on all this? If we terminate, we know no one else will take him either, and it certainly won't be doing this little boy any favors to be jerked from daycare to daycare.
Even time-outs are frowned on by the state quality rating system, and is supposed to be used only to help an out of control child who could possibly hurt themselves or another child. What can you do to help a child who just REFUSES the most simple direction and wants to break all the rules (Example, I can remind another child that they need to put their jacket back on; so the child we're having trouble with immediately takes his jacket off, just because he heard that jackets are supposed to be worn..., or we remind another child to use the ladder instead of climbing the slide, so this child immediately starts climbing the slide because he found out it's not allowed). 
: will wait
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. I turned him around in his chair so he wasn't face to face, but he kept turning his head around and spitting the best he could at my face. If I walked away, he would immediately jump up and run off. He had spit everywhere. Floor, wall, chair, me... I'm not sure his really really sweet moments are going to be enough to make up for all his negative behavior. He does seem to listen a little better, but we can't continue with this spitting, attempting to bite, slapping, punching, kicking, screaming, scratching, pinching... each day he tries a new strategy that is worse than the day before, when he gets in a defiant mood and can't have his way. And the other children talk about him when he's not there, saying they don't like him (He annoys them to no end, just to get a reaction from them, and if they walk away, he chases after them).
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