Please Help Me Talk To This Parent

[newtodaycare22]

Ok, some of you might have seen this on another thread about a screaming 3.5 year old. His first day was Monday and it was a roller coaster. He likes to tell me no and scream at the TOP of his lungs when he doesn't want to do something. He did this for an hour at nap the other day, crying himself to sleep. After nap he was so-so....but he needs practice to structure and I knew it'd still be an adjustment period.

Yesterday, it was a million times better. I never heard 'no', no tantrums, etc. ok, I thought Maybe he was getting the routines down and we'd be ok (he still needed WAY more reminders than even my 2 year old (youngest kid), but I can work with that...)

Today, we were ok most of the morning. When it came to circle time-good lord have mercy. Screaming, banging a chair, spitting his tongue at me....it seemed like a young 2 year old tantrum. One of my kids cried because he was literally screaming so loud it hurt her ears. How can we do circle time like that?? Ughhh. I was praying about nap today since he's been off but luckily...he went down just fine.

However,I don't want these behaviors from today to seem ok with the parents. They are great and supportive, so I know I can talk about this with them. He has an IEP for speech-do you think it's ok that I ask to see it so I can best meet his needs? Speech is related to behavior because maybe he's frustrated with communication sometimes (although this is not what the tantrums are about.

Any ideas on the wording to say/write to the parents. I want to voice my concern about the behaviors and that I want to help him work in the right direction (not term) but things like spitting and slamming chairs is NOt ok.

Thanks!

[cheerfuldom]

are you prepared to work with a special needs child if it is something more extensive than just a speech delay? Just something to consider.

Do you know his previous childcare arrangement? If they have been through numerous daycares then that is a big clue regarding what you might be up against. Maybe it is not a transitioning thing and his behavior is very unpredictable every day?

[Angelwings36]

Something to keep in mind is that this child has only been with you for just under a week. It does take time to transition children at all ages and it takes a great deal of patience. I feel for you as I would not be in the best of mood with a transition such as you are dealing with. I would continue enforcing your rules and being stern with the child, eventually he will get it.

As far as the tantrums go I would verbally speak with the parents at pick up and tell them that dcb has been doing this or that when he doesn't get his own way and this behaviour is something that you would like to work to correct it and so that it doesn't get worse. Ask that they do the same at home.

In a month if the behaviour has not gotten better that is when I would write a letter to the parents explaining where things are at and their options.

Good luck.

[SunshineMama]

I think if he is on an IEP, not only is ot okay to ask to see it, but you have a right to it, IMHO. You are a part of his "team" and you need to know that information to help him, and manage him as a part of a group. I would definitely ask to see it..

[Soccermom]

I would start by telling them about the behaviour issues you have been having with dcb. I would not leave anything out.
I would tell them that you are able to overlook the behaviour somewhat because he is new to your group and is still in the adjustment phase. I would also ease their worry by telling them you want to help him fit in and you want to make the transition into your group as smooth as possible. (They may worry that you are already planning to term based on behaviour).

Be sure to get on the same page as the parents when it comes to discipline (Ask what works for them at home and let them know what you have been doing while he is in your care).
I would also ask the parents to be sure this child is getting enough sleep. There is no shame in asking them to put him to bed at a reasonable time in order for him to be able to have a great day with you and the dcks.

I have termed a child in the past when his parents refused to put him to bed before 10pm because their lifestyle didn't allow it. He was a nightmare to deal with. He was so overtired he couldn't nap and was miserable all day.

Also, does he eat breakfast in your care ? I have had dcks in the past who were terrors all morning but came to realize they were really too rushed in the morning to eat a proper breakfast at home. I started doing early morning snack @ 8:15 to make sure everyone had a happy belly before we started our day.

Hope this helps. Remember he spends more awake time with you during the week than he does at home so you should feel completely comfortable talking about his issues with his parents. They will likely give you the old - Oh well he doesn't do that at home so I am so surprised look but keep your chin up and be honest. If the day comes that you do need to term because you can't take it anymore you won't have hidden anything from them and you will have given them the opportunity to work with you.

[newtodaycare22]

Thanks guys. I do know his daycare history actually and spoke to the previous people. One daycare told me "He was just always sick and they got mad that I kept telling them that..." She sounded very strange. I know his grandmother and she is back up care whenever he is sick, so that was odd.

The other place (where he went after his parents were sick of hearing about him being sick) was an unlicensed place. It was basically at SAHM with 1 kid and she took another 1-3 kids per day. They had 'circle time' but it was really unstructured. I know the woman actually and she said "Yeah, he's not a fan of structure but we don't really have that here." His pre-k/speech program is 2 afternoons a week for 2 hours. So he has SOME structure already but his mom willing told me that 'formal structured activities' is something that the teachers told her is his weakness. I think she did the right think by putting him in my program because it's small (5 other kids) but I do have the structure of many larger programs.

I guess I'll describe the behaviors and my concern, and also ask to see the IEP so I can support him in any way possible. I'm not prepared to meet a large special need, as someone asked, but I don't think the mom is lying to me about speech being the only issue. For now, I'm hoping consistency will go a long way!