To Terminate Or Not?

[Christian Mother]

Terminate.

I am not one to terminate quickly BUT I would terminate that child over his behavior issues alone or the parents alone. All of those issues combined are a nasty little concoction that I wouldn't voluntarily handle.

It is NOT your responsibility to "save" this child. You have offered help and made suggestions and the parents are unwilling to see or deal with the issues. Instead of appreciating your concern, they are pinning his problems on you, disrespecting you in your own home, in front of other clients and I assume your own children an others. NOT OK.

They should worry about his adjusting to new care, not you. They are his parents. They need to look out for his best interests. As a provider, there is only so much you can do.

At this point it is unfair to the other kids in care. He is abusive and disruptive. He needs to go.

I agree with all of this!! I think I would be moving to terminate although I would thought to do it sooner. Specially with all you said. At this point I would think about doing what Marina Vanessa says to do in having a family meeting. I think discussing with them that you are working for them to help them not make things more diff. Pointing out all the benefits to the family and how all these factors will help them as well as the child as he grows up and progresses. If the help isn't given when it's available..he will be far behind and catching up will be that much harder.

I would have had to terminate just due to the parents reactions and lack of urgency to get on program with you. According to your original post it just shows a total lack of respect and trust towards you. You have suggested an evaluation in an effort to help their child and they wouldn't hear it until they heard it from someone else. Then when they get results back and an IEP they chose not to follow it, meaning that the child will not get the support and help that he needs and nothing will improve for you.

As for the comment about how "he listens for everyone else" and just not you well I personally have a general theory about this ... some parents don't see certain behavior as troublesome and choose to ignore or accept that the behavior is either normal for the child's age, or due to their diagnosis. Maybe the behavior isn't looked at as such a burden to the parents and family or friends because they accept that it's just a part of the way the child is.

And the kicker for me, the last straw for me is the comment about "that is not their problem" is the most absolutely rediculous thing I could ever hear a parent say to me. Of course it's their problem, it's their child. If the issues aren't corrected and you and the child's parents don't unite and work together as a team to help their child then there's no way that the situation will improve. They are working against you and that makes it extremely difficult if not nearly impossle for you to fix the issue.

They have now made their child's behavior challenges your problem. It's time for you to correct that and give the responsibility back to them.

If I were in your shoes I would have a sit down with both parents and discuss the issues with them about being a united front. I would bring up everything from my perspective and explain everything that I have done to try to improve the situation and that it has not worked at least in part due to the fact that there is no teamwork. I would tell them that a successfull parent/provider relationship does not work well like this and then let them know that unless we worked as a team to correct the child's challenging behavior at daycare then I would no longer be able to provide their family childcare. I would have the family's 2 week notice already drawn up and ready just in case they decide they don't want to be cooperative or if they become argumentative.

Just as MarinaVanessa describes...Time for meeting with consequences if they don't follow through. You daycare your rules if they don't participate in their child development their out. You can only do so much to help the child succeed. You have a bunch of little ones and families you are also responsible for not just this one child.

Maybe having the child stay home with DCD for a few weeks will open his eyes and help him appreciate what they have with you. Maybe you can sit down with them and explain your situation and how the stress from their child's behavior is beginning to wear on the other kids and on you emotionally and financially. Make a list of what he has destroyed and itemize the cost to replace them. Give them options.
1) They get on board with the district to create a plan of action and get their son help based on what the recommendations are from the district and work together as a team to help their child.
2) They find child care elsewhere.

In the meantime while they decide show them the destruction and give them weekly logs of his behavior. Require them to have to replace the things that he destroys from now on. Right now it's not costing them any money or trouble to keep things the way they are. Change that.

Yup, this for sure...Let us know what the update is!!