Could I Ban a Parent From My Home?

[MizzCheryl]

I have situation where the parents are seperated. Mom and all the Grandparents are wonderful. Dad is a problem! Dad has visitaion days 2 xs a week. He picks the child up. He does not pay for any care. He used to and share payment and knowingly wrote me bad checks. I am completly sure he knew. Long story but the whole family knows it was bad from the time he wrote it. I have proof. Anyway, he also come to get the child HIGH! And is so covered in cologne to mask the smell is lingers after he is gone. (also take rx pills) He has bothered my other parents wanting to use their cell phones. He has a problem with being late. I have metioned it to him in the past. So Friday I say J____ you need to be here on time. He claims he was. I show him the clock. He gets an attitude. Starts making excuses and gets a little rude. I tell him to leave. He start ranting as I show him the door. Says his child does not have to stay here. I say you are absolutly right. I say "have a nice weekend" and close and lock the door in his face, all the while he is ranting on my porch, child in his arms.
I call mom who is very embarassed and apologises.
What would you do?

[saved4always]

I would say you absolutely can ban him from your home. If you do not feel safe when he is there, you need to do something about it. It is not ok for him to take the child in his car when he is high either. I have never had a parent like that so am not sure what the right way to go about it would be (term family or ban him or report him to the authorities or all of the above?)...I am sure there are some other providers here who will have good insight into how to exactly handle this situation. I do know that I could never have a parent in my house who seems threatening, is high on anything, pays with bad checks or comes late all the time.

[cheerfuldom]

I would call mom and let her know that she needs to work out another pickup contact because Dad is no longer welcome on the property. If they need to find someone to pick up kid and then Dad meets them down the road at a McDonalds or whatever, so be it (do NOT let them do the exchange in front of your house). If they cannot work it out, they have to take all their drama and move on to another daycare, period.

[bunnyslippers]

I would absolutely ban him from your home and your property. It is too much of a liability for you, your family, and your day care children.

I would suggest sitting down with the mother and explaining that he can't be on your property. I would have a detailed description of his behavior, and voice your concerns regarding the drug use.

If the family is unwilling to keep him away, I would terminate care immediately.

Good luck!

[cheerfuldom]

also, if you are sure about these issues with drug use, have you called CPS yet? have you let the mom know all of your concerns? this behavior needs to be documented for the kids sake.

[CheekyChick]

I would call CPS and tell them that Mr. ***XX is coming to pick up his son high and you are very concerned. I would then tell his mother that between his belligerent attitude and the fact that he often comes to your house high, you can no longer allow him at your home so other arrangements need to made for the days he picks up his son.

[MarinaVanessa]

also, if you are sure about these issues with drug use, have you called CPS yet? have you let the mom know all of your concerns? this behavior needs to be documented for the kids sake.

Yes this. If you don't already have something like this in your policies you should add some now.

"Access into the day care home may be denied to any adult whose behavior presents a risk such as aggressiveness, intoxication, behavior resembling that of someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol etc."

Here's where it gets tricky, if he's the parent and he's court ordered to have visitations on those days then legally you can't keep him from his child on those days. If there is no court order you can't keep him from his child at all, period.

However, if he is under the influence of drugs or alcohol or you suspect that he is you can definetely report the incident to CPS. Personally even though that technically you can't keep him from his child (otherwise you'd be kidnapping) I doubt that the DCD would be that smart to know to call the police and press charges on you especially on days that he's high. If he shows up again and he's under the influence I'd refuse to give him the child explaining that it was BECAUSE he was under the influence and ban him. If he doesn't leave and begins to rant ask him to leave or you'll call the police.

Call the DCM and explain what happened. If DCD still doesn't leave call the police and explain to them that you do daycare and that you suspect that this person is under the influence and that his erratic behavior is unsafe and that you fear for your safety and the safety of the other children. Tell the police that you want a restraining order and file a police report to get one. From a legal standpoint this is the best way to protect yourself especially if the DCD picks up on court ordered days and times that he is alloted or of there is no court order. No court order means he can pick up the child whenever he wants.

[MizzCheryl]

Yes, I have tallked with the family about the concerns. They are very upset. They know exactly how he is. I am trying to work with them but This will have to stop. Good point about not letting the an exchange of the child take place in front of my property. I felt a little bad for a day or so for confronting him on being late as he was only 8 minutes late, then 3 minutes, then 4 minutes, then 3 again. But it was finally the straw that broke the camels back. He just kept pushing it. Another parent has arranged and paid extra for their child to be picked up 10 minues later on certain days. He thinks because sometimes that child is there he can be later. The other parents know that if they will be later we have to have a mutual arrangement. He knows this as well. He doesn't even have a job.

[Ariana]

I think it's very important for you to be civil for the child's sake. I understand why you're angry but perhaps confronting him in front of his son was a poor choice? I would request that he no longer do pickups and next time he comes "high" it is your duty to call the police. It sounds like a sad situation all around

[daycare]

YOu letting him leave with the child knowing that he is under the influence of something is what strikes me. I would NEVER allow anyone that I suspect to be "ON" something remove a child from me EVER. I have it in my PHB.

I would be calling CPS, police and then I would call the child's MOther, or other emergency contacts on her file.

You have every right to tell this parent he cannot come into your home.

FOr a min there, I thought you were talking about my SIL and BIL.

He (brother in law) is a high risk registered Sex offender. BUT he has every right to go to the Daycare and school to pick up his child. (Scary thought) The DCP has her husband meet him out on the sidewalk with a clip board where he signs his daughter out the two days of the week that he is allowed to visit with her. The father also has to drung test weekly with the courts. If he does not pass, he does not get to go and see his daughter.

I think that this has a lot more to do with not allowing him in your house, I think you need to bring this up to authorities as well as the mother..

[MizzCheryl]

Thanks Bunnyslippers and Marina. That helps. I have been told I can't keep the child from him but I did make arrangement with a grandparent to call them for pickup if he is visably stoned again. Sometimes It is hard to tell for sure. but the one day he seemed bad I called Mom immediatly. She handled it that day.
How was I to know a request to be ontime would aggrivate him so bad. I didn't confront him. I only asked politely that he be on time. Thanks saved4always.

[saved4always]

Thanks Bunnyslippers and Marina. That helps. I have been told I can't keep the child from him but I did make arrangement with a grandparent to call them for pickup if he is visably stoned again. Sometimes It is hard to tell for sure. but the one day he seemed bad I called Mom immediatly. She handled it that day.
How was I to know a request to be ontime would aggrivate him so bad. I didn't confront him. I only asked politely that he be on time. Thanks saved4always.

That is really scary that it aggravated him so much when you just asked him to be on time. That would be scary for sure, especially when it is unexpected like that! I am so sorry you have to deal with someone like that! I hope the situation will be behind you quickly so you don't have to be stressed out about this guy.

[wdmmom]

You are well within your right to ban him from your property. You are contracted with dcm. If he has visitation rights, dont get involved. Tell dcm that she will need to make arrangements to pick the child up and dcd can get the child from her.

[My3cents]

Thanks Bunnyslippers and Marina. That helps. I have been told I can't keep the child from him but I did make arrangement with a grandparent to call them for pickup if he is visably stoned again. Sometimes It is hard to tell for sure. but the one day he seemed bad I called Mom immediatly. She handled it that day.
How was I to know a request to be ontime would aggrivate him so bad. I didn't confront him. I only asked politely that he be on time. Thanks saved4always.

Why would you have to make this arrangement? I would be cut and dry on this topic. I don't feel comfortable having Dad pick up child. Mom you will have to make other arrangements for pick up on those days. End of story. It's not your job to figure out if he is high or not- put a stop to this. Explain to Mom I don't want this anywhere around my daycare. Either arrange something else or I will need a two week notice. It's not a place that I want to get involved in, or be subjected with. Never allow a child to leave with someone that you think is on a substance. Shut the door lock it, have phone ready to call the police and call mom to come get child ASAP!!!