Parents Jealous??

[MrsB]

I dont think I have had anyone really voice to me about being jealous of my job. If anything I get alot of the "I dont know how you do it" comments.

I have heard some comments about how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband that values his time with his kids. Or how lucky I am to have a co-parent and support system. Usually the comments come from one mother who is married but absolutely refuses to watch his daughter or comes from single moms. I guess these comments could come from jealousy but I dont take it personally. I used to be a single working mom and it can be very difficult. I always say "Thank you for the compliments. I have worked REALLY hard to have what I have and yes I am very lucky to have a selfless husband that puts me and his kids first, but I wouldn't tolerate it any other way. Oh and I think he is pretty lucky too!"

[Blackcat31]

I haven't gotten the sense that my dcps are jealous of the relationship I have with their kids but I worry more that they are jealous because of the lifestyle I am afforded thanks to the fact that my dh works his arse off and makes a great living and I sweeten the pot by doing dc.

I know they choose me because I offer a really nice place to bring the kids, (I would hope your daycare parents choose you for more reasons than just living in the nicest home on the block :confused:) but sometimes I almost feel guilty knowing that some of my dcps are struggling to make ends meet and they can't help but see us doing well. We have a great home, a boat, an RV and all the fun toys to go with it, and dh just bought me a Porsche for my 40th b-day (happyface). I honestly kept it in the garage for weeks out of guilt, which is silly. ::

To top it off, we take vacations to places most people dream of but I feel like I shouldn't mention to my dcps what our plans are for my time off because I don't want them to get weird on me.

Does anyone else have THESE types of jealousy issues, I wonder? :confused:

I do NOT mean this rudely, but I think to assume people are jealous of other people's material things or high-priced lifestyle is kind of shallow. I mean I don't drive a new car (nor does my DH) and I don't live in the biggest or fanciest home on the block. I also don't spend my money on fancy vacations or extravagant outings, but I know I have it much better than most people.

You wouldn't know it looking at me or DH, but we have ZERO debt. NO car payments, NO house payment, NO credit card bills, NO gigantic student loans and/or other monthy payments. We have worked hard for everything we have and in my humble opinion, we have A LOT.

Just because we don't advertise it with a show of material things doesnt mean we are struggling to make ends meet or aren't doing as well as our debt-heavy neighbors who do have the biggest house and the newest cars.

I would never in a million years think my DCP's are jealous of what they think I do or don't have. I don't look over their yearly budgets or concern myself with what they "look" like they are worth.

One can never really know what people have and don't have. I have had several families over the years who, had I not really known them, really looked to be struggling and having a hard time making ends meet, but in reality were VERY well off and simply choose to put their money in other places versus using it to buy new cars/homes.

I had one family where the mom bought garage sale underwear for both her kids. They wore snowpants with duct tape covering the holes and "appeared" to be a family living in poverty. If I hadn't known better I would have thought they were.

But really, they just choose to save for retirement and for their children's college education. They socked so much money away for the future that it effected their everyday living.

I have a family right now that dad drives a fancy foreign sports car and mom gets a new Suburban every single year. The kids wear all namebrand clothes, have i-pod, phones and pads. They take trips to Mexico and Hawaii every year. They "look" like they have it really good and are rolling in the dough. Funny though, because they are the only family who have twiced asked to pay late (since Jan) because they didn't have enough money in their account to pay me on time.

But hey, they have their priorities and really who am I to say that was wrong? Who am I to judge?

[Meyou]

My families all seem to like how much the kids love me and love it here. I'm their home away from home. They even think it's funny when the kids hide at the end of the day so mom or dad can't take them home. I can't help that I'm super fun! ::

[DaycareMomma]

I currently only have one full time daycare family.
The son is just over a year and dcd just recently told me that dcm is jealous that he will give only me hugs. He won't do it for anyone else in the family. I just simply told him that he loves us all and they should be happy that he likes coming to my house every day and that he trusts me. I also pointed out that I may get the hugs, but they get the kisses. Dcd was very pleased with that.

Then yesterday, dcm is picking up and the boy wanted to come give me one more hug, which is routine here, and she goes "J lets go, if you want more love from D you will just have to wait until tomorrow to get it." She gave me a snarky smile and walked out. Then as we were going to our sons school concert, we sit down and who sits down 1 row ahead of us and points out to J where we were? Dcm did! Then she got crabby when she saw he wanted to come to me... Ummm hello.... don't sit right next to us then when there are a lot of other seats open.

This is also the mom that made a comment 2 years ago when we got our new to us truck, "Oh I saw you got a new truck, we must be paying you too much." Yup, thats it, please stop paying me ohhhh so much!

[saved4always]

My dcp's tell me that thier kids are happy to be coming to my house and that they kept saying my name in the car on the way, etc. But they say it in a very positive way. They are happy that thier children love me and like to be here with their friends. The 3 families I have now are very involved in their children's lives. They all pick up as soon as they can so they can be with their kids. So they are secure in their places as mommy and daddy and know that my relationship will never trump theirs in their children's hearts.

[jessrlee]

I do NOT mean this rudely, but I think to assume people are jealous of other people's material things or high-priced lifestyle is kind of shallow. I mean I don't drive a new car (nor does my DH) and I don't live in the biggest or fanciest home on the block. I also don't spend my money on fancy vacations or extravagant outings, but I know I have it much better than most people.

You wouldn't know it looking at me or DH, but we have ZERO debt. NO car payments, NO house payment, NO credit card bills, NO gigantic student loans and/or other monthy payments. We have worked hard for everything we have and in my humble opinion, we have A LOT.

Just because we don't advertise it with a show of material things doesnt mean we are struggling to make ends meet or aren't doing as well as our debt-heavy neighbors who do have the biggest house and the newest cars.

I would never in a million years think my DCP's are jealous of what they think I do or don't have. I don't look over their yearly budgets or concern myself with what they "look" like they are worth.

One can never really know what people have and don't have. I have had several families over the years who, had I not really known them, really looked to be struggling and having a hard time making ends meet, but in reality were VERY well off and simply choose to put their money in other places versus using it to buy new cars/homes.

I had one family where the mom bought garage sale underwear for both her kids. They wore snowpants with duct tape covering the holes and "appeared" to be a family living in poverty. If I hadn't known better I would have thought they were.

But really, they just choose to save for retirement and for their children's college education. They socked so much money away for the future that it effected their everyday living.

I have a family right now that dad drives a fancy foreign sports car and mom gets a new Suburban every single year. The kids wear all namebrand clothes, have i-pod, phones and pads. They take trips to Mexico and Hawaii every year. They "look" like they have it really good and are rolling in the dough. Funny though, because they are the only family who have twiced asked to pay late (since Jan) because they didn't have enough money in their account to pay me on time.

But hey, they have their priorities and really who am I to say that was wrong? Who am I to judge?

I feel like this reply is a tad harsh. I don't find it shallow to work hard and enjoy comfort. I DO think my clients choose me because of my home. I live in a nice home, right across from a school in a good area. I have 800 square feet of 100% play area and another 300 square feet of bathroom/ storage utility room dedicated to my daycare. I think my clients prefer that their children are in a center like atmosphere with two steady constant caregivers. Those wanting a home like feel go somewhere else. I put a lot of money into my daycare. I guess I get upset when they come in with the latest gadget, mani, pedi, hair dyed and complain about what I have or do.

[Blackcat31]

I feel like this reply is a tad harsh. I don't find it shallow to work hard and enjoy comfort. I DO think my clients choose me because of my home. I live in a nice home, right across from a school in a good area. I have 800 square feet of 100% play area and another 300 square feet of bathroom/ storage utility room dedicated to my daycare. I think my clients prefer that their children are in a center like atmosphere with two steady constant caregivers. Those wanting a home like feel go somewhere else. I put a lot of money into my daycare. I guess I get upset when they come in with the latest gadget, mani, pedi, hair dyed and complain about what I have or do.

I NEVER said working hard was shallow or wrong. I also didn't quote you because your response wasn't the one changing the subject from jealousy of a daycare providers relationship/role with a DC child to discussing how nice your house is, what wonderful vacations you take or the fact that you have a new car and all the other fun little toys that go along with having money.

Yes, I would like my DCF's to like my home but I would be really offended if they ONLY chose me based on how nice they think my house looks or costs or what possessions I own.

That whole post just read "differently" to me considering the topic of the thread in general.

Had this thread been about DCF's complaining about how well off their provider is compared to them (while they have the latest gadgets) then the response I quoted would have been more on target....
I think it is fabulous that that poster has all those things and if those are what she values in life.....then more power to her. I meant no disrespect (hence my pre-apology for coming across as maybe sounding rude).

I also think it is great that you work hard, which most people do and THAT was my point.

You cannot judge a book by its cover and to believe that the attitude of parents (jealousy) is based on them thinking that one's material worth makes one better than someone else is shallow in my opinion.

[AmyLeigh]

I think there is jealousy on both sides. The whole grass is greener bit.
Parents are jealous of providers because they are working from home, in sweats, having fun with their little ones, watching them hit milestones. Providers are jealous of the parents because they get to wear nice clothes without wondering if crayon/paint/playdough washes out of this material, they get to be out of the house, have conversations with other adults, eat lunch (sitting down! ) and so forth.
We will have these feelings at times, it's natural. What we do with those feelings shows maturity levels.

[wdmmom]

I haven't seen jealousy. I've seen remorse, I've seen sympathy, I've seen regret but I've never seen jealousy.

I have a DCB here 10 hours a day 4 days per week. I've had him since he was 8 months old. He's almost 3.5 now. He would always talk about me to his mom. From anything about the puppy to me to the games, the toys, the other children, my own children, etc.

She never acted jealous. She was grateful that he was happy and enjoyed coming here. She still doesn't like working long days but she is with her child every Friday, Saturday and Sunday and every evening during the week. She keeps him home when he's sick. She's even kept him home when she is sick. (That's more than I can say for others.)