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so how is it when i try and do something good it back fires i was washing his jacket and burnt my washer out now im trying to figure out how i am going to dry his sopping wet coat before mom gets here later this afternoon
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Your dryer burnt out? Aww..that stinks!
I was going to say, ask around to friends or family with slightly older boys, maybe they'd donate some clothes. I have toothbrushes for each of my dck's anyway. Got them at Walmart 2/$1.00, each has their own color to match their blanket, cups, and cubby label.
Maybe you could try to let mom save face and help the boy by not making into an accusatory thing. For instance, give her a pile of the clothes and say a friend gave you a whole bunch of hand-me-downs, and you thought they could use them, and you've also got extra stuff here now, just "incase" he spills or gets messy.
Too bad he gets so messy EVERY DAY right after arrival, right?
As for the bathing thing, that's a little more tricky, but once it's warm enough to get out the sprinkler in the summer, I would use it ALOT!
I find it hard to be confrontational, and honestly, one cannot control other people. You won't make her stop smoking, you won't make her stop drinking and be an attentive mother. You can only do what YOU can do, no more. It may be wrong that she is that way, but "it is what it is".
This little boy is blessed to have you in his life! Personally, I think the harder you push on this, the more likely that she will just disappear, and then he doesn't even get you....Comment
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I'd do a hygiene theme and teach him to take a shower, wash his hair and brush his teeth.
He is big enough...just use Johnson's "tear free" everything and let him keep a toothbrush at your house.
Enable him to change his world a bit. Reinforce it often. It may catch on throughout his whole house.- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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Thanks bbo good advice...Comment
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Could he maybe help "wash" things in the sink? Whenever my dd would help wash toys and such, she always ended up washing her arms and face too! I know that won't help with the overall smell, but with a fresh set of clothes and a little smelly soap on the arms he might feel a little better. Maybe a bit of lotion after.
I'm glad he has someone like you to look out for him.Comment
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What's really sad is that the cigarette smoke embeds in the fibers of clothing and is very hard to get the smell out of hair.
If you do wash his clothes, try soaking them in Downey liquid fabric softener.
If you wash his hair, try to wash it twice and let some conditioner set in for 5 minutes.
I am very blessed to not have any smokers kids currently and I do give baths to kids that need it. To me it's just part of the job and shows that the child is loved, cared for and important.lovethislovethis
They also have some kids cologne that smells really good and my kids all get their hair brushed with water and cologne, and teeth brushed every day.
One time I had a parent come in with her friend to pick up her son and she shoved the baby in her friends face and said.."go ahead , smell him! He always smells like this coming from Michelle's house." I was shocked and proud cuz I never knew a parent appreciated it. ...but I knew the kids did and that's what matters lovethisComment
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I wash clothes pretty regularly. I have one child who comes all the time with dirty unwashed clothes with holes. I've mended my fair share of holes too!! Just yesterday I washed her winter hat. The mom NEVER notices it. She's so self absorbed I could dye her childs hair and I don't think she'd notice it.
I also buy this child clothes to wear here when she's wearing dirty clothes full of holes. Her mom sent me "extra" clothes in case of accidents but it's all too small. To save me the stress I deal with it on my own. As far as the little boy being dirty can you wash him? Get a soapy cloth and wash his armpits, face, ears etc? Today my DCG came with makeup smeared all over face and I had to wash it with soapy water and makeup remover.
As far as the coat being soppy wet just tell her that you washed it because he fell in something or got something on it, then tell her your dryer burnt out before it got dry. If she flips, she flips what can you do?!!Comment
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We had a little one in our center in the same situation, except his parents worked. While he was a toddler, he would smell like animal feces and/or cigarettes and we would bathe him and wash his clothes and hair daily without informing the parents because we didn't want to embarrass them. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors and their may have been domestic issues.
Well anyway, we continued until he moved to the 3s class. Then one day most of the other kids began to refused to play with him saying that he smells like "stinky". It got to the point, where it started to affect his self esteem and he would beg to stay home because the kids didn't like him.
After talking to the kids and finding out what was going on, the teacher and Director called a meeting with mom and told her what was going on. Mom went ballistic and accused the center of calling her abusive and neglectful, of saying the we called her a bad more ect. She pulled him and called DSS on us and said we were abusing her son. Weeks later, we learned that there was a domestic issue involving hubby and his home life wasn't that good.Comment
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I have the same problem only doubled! (siblings) I have found many ideas here and come up with a few of my own. the kids have changed in pride since I started a few things. If I may make some suggestions here is what I do to make it better.Ok so i feel really bad. One of my dcb (i have posted about him before) is always dirty and smells like an ash tray, tells me he doesnt get baths and that he doesnt have a toothbrush. Well yesterday i had a drop in for my neighbor and the "dirty boy" says oh i like n*** i said oh yeah well thats good. The "dirty boy" says yeah he smells good, I myself didnt smell anything so i bend over and smell him. He just smelled clean. How sad is that?? The little boy can obviously smell when people are clean because he is never clean. I feel so bad for him. Im sure he would love to smell clean. All i wish for this kid is even one day that he gets a bath, brushes his teeth, combs his hair, and gets the oppurtunity to have all new clothes and shoes. I think it would make him feel absolutely wonderful to be a clean boy. But i doubt he will ever experience that because his parents smoke in the car and in the house. His mom is a drinker and both his parents smoke constantly. He never wears clean clothes, and if they are you cant tell because like i said they smoke constantly. He never has clothes that fit every single one of his shirts show his belly button. His socks never match "because mommy never matches them" and he will show up with one of his dads socks on one foot and one of his baby sisters on the other. I just dont understand how these parents think its ok. And how they let him leave the house like that. I have called cps on the family before but they didnt do anything because i was the only person that has ever reported the family. I dont understand how though because he has an older brother and sister that go to school, arn't school teachers mandated reporters as well??? I just pray one day this little boy has a fair shot at life. You can tell he already has self esteem issues.
#1 Clothing- Buy some clothes for him to keep at your house! I also bought them outfits and new shoes to take home as well but as you said they come back reeking of the stench so keep a couple stes at your house and change him in and back out at the end of the day.
#2 Socks- my DCKs wore the same socks on Monday all through the week by friday they were literally crispy and stuck to thier feet!! I bought them each a pack of socks. Downside is that was summer so they were ankle socks. Thats what they are wearing today and have grown a little so they are riding below the ankles in winter but at least they have clean socks. I also made a point of saying "oh you have your purple socks on today" the next day when they were the same I said " I didnt know there were 2 sets of purple socks in the pack I bought you cool!" DCM finally caught on and started changing them at least a couple times per week.
#3 Hands- My DCK fingernails are crusted every morning and its not even summer! I fill a dish pan with warm water and soap and put in mini toys so they literally soak the dirt out because washing wasn't good enough and they wouldn't let me scrub them w the brush. I will say lets find the yellow rose, lets find the green frog, where is the lettyer A, etc and they dig around under the bubbles and find them. Daily game for us.
#4 Hair- is never brushed. I went out and bought a huge pack of hair scrunchies and barettes for DCG. She comes with matted hair I send back with combed hair styled! DCM doesn't care and I never see the scrunchies again but it makes DCG feel pretty and makes her happy so I will keep buying them. I also use detangler it helps with the bad odor of the hair on both kids. DCB is 3 and has never had a haircut his hair is wild!
#5 Teeth- they are really bad you could just scrape the coating off (gag) I bought them toothbrushes and toothpaste for here. I also asked my sons dentist for samples of kids toothpaste because I couldnt find little ones for their little hands at the store (kid safe) so I sent them and another toothbrush home with them to encourage them to brush. DCM is annoyed but I don't care!
#6 Diapers- If you have this problem. My DCM sent kids in poop filled diapers every morn. Monday they would come with rashes some bleeding! By Friday all healed and normal. Monday bad rash... She was leaving them sit in filth all weekend! I started bringing it to her attention daily. She didn't care so I would just have to change them as soon as she left (i didnt want her roaming my house i made her stand at the front door) I put in the newsletter facts about diaper rash waht causes it etc. I wrote that I was a mandated reporter etc and I would be reporting anyone who did not change thier kids diapers and treat the rash properly. It got bad with my DCM, DCB ended up hospitalized because he sat in dirty diapers so long. I forced DCM to take him for treatment and stayed on her back ever since. Now the diapers are clean and no more rashes on Monday mornings. Sad it came to that.
#7 Bath- I can not bathe them but maybe your state allows. Check into that. If I have children overnight I can bathe but they are day. So to solve that in summer I fill the pool with soapy water and let them play. Hose them off when done and VIOLA! Clean kids!
#8 Above all else keep telling that poor child how cute he is. Tell him he smells good like ***** does. Take the time to brush his hair let him know he is special. It's so sad that parents neglect their kids so badly and even worse that when we report them nothing comes of it. When I reported mine they asked if I saw them being hit or not fed. Since my answer was no they said they could just pass the info on and IF it warranted an investigation then they would do so. That was months ago.
Most of all God bless you for caring for this child! I sometimes think we are sent these children so they can have somewhat of a normal life even if only for 9 hours a day 5 days a week. We can make that change that parent dont care to. Tonight I made sure the kids would get a bath. I bought them a pack of bath fizzies and showed them in the dish pan how they work. They have been excited all day to use them and they told DCM they want a bath! She said "We'll see". I said "Now Sally they want to play with thier new color water and show you how it fizzes so please allow a bath tonight" She said ok. I hope she does! I know when they get a bath though because they come in excited the next morning telling me too feel their hair and yelling all giggles they got a bath!! Sad but it only happens a couple times a month or so.
Sorry I rambled but this is 1 subject I have daily issues with and have combated for a year now! I made it a goal to get these kids as clean as possible and teach them about personal hygene. Most of all they smile more!Comment
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We're located in a inner-city, low-income area, so I see my fair share of this. I always keep extra washcloths, soap, towels and clothing on hand in case I have to wash a child up.
One of my 4 year olds is the "dirty kid". His nose and face is always snotty and gross, he's always "ashy" and his clothes aren't exactly dirty, but they look like his mom crams too much laundry in the washer together without sorting it and nothing really gets clean. Yesterday at nap, he took his shoes off and his feet smelled awful. His socks were so dirty they needed to be thrown away. And he is the sweetest kid in the world.
Daily, I feel like cleaning him up and throwing his clothes, shoes and all, in the wash. But I know he'd tell his mother and she'd get offended. He really loves me and I know he'd be excited that I did that for him, and would definitely tell her. She actually works at the center and she'd make a big stink (no pun intended) about it.
I know you're probably thinking if she's that negligent with her own kids how is she allowed to take care of other people's - not my call. Somehow, she does a decent job. But, how I run my classroom and how other people operate are two vastly different things.Comment
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I had the same problem defensive and denying everything! I read above where she comes unexpected. As for her arriving nexpected make a request that she call you when she is on the way to pick up so you can have DCB ready for pick up. Tell her you will be getting into paint projects or be in another area of the house or on a walk etc. I have used these excuses before when I didn't know when she was coming so that I can get the clothes changed.
This works for me with everyone now because I dont allow parents past my front hall and no shoes in the house so I use the "so I can have them ready" excuse.Comment
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Just thought of something else!
If you could somehow get 4 or 5 of the same shirt, underwear, and socks, mom wouldn't necessarily know which days you changed him? Just incase the "he spilled something' excuse wears thin, you could mix in some sneaky changes, other times, if you're doing laundry anyway, change him into something, wash it, and then change him back.
Use all the weapons in your arsenal!
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Forgot the coats!
I can't wash laundry everyday as it is in the basement I would have to leave the kids. Every Monday my back up stops in for a bit and I use that oportunity to throw the coats in the washer, well every other Monday really. I don't want to make the coat fall apart.
Shoes I sprinkle baking soda in on monday and leave it sit for a few hours and vaccume it out. Rest of the week I stick Gain dryer sheets in them. This helps a lot. I was shocked to see how bad the shoes smell and it's not just kids sweaty feet smell it's smoke and funk! Don't know what it is but we battle it
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Thanks pitter patter. That is exactly how these parents are.. And like you said when he does get a bath he comes all excited telling me he got a bath. And telling me he smells good. Like during xmas he got a new shirt he kept saying like my shirt kayla... It's sad, this same family he tells me bed time is at 7pm they pick him up at 5. She spends no time with him..Comment
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