Lost Connection, Feeling Sad

[daycare]

I have a day care girl that is somewhat new. She is a very sweet little girl most of the time, however, there are a lot of issues.

LIttle back ground, DCG is 4 and is the youngest child in the family. Very babied and has limited speech. it is very obvious that she is very spoiled at home by everyone in the family. She still wears diapers, has no interest in potty training and does not participate in any of our activities that we have. She is often very defiant and often will not listen to me or when I do ask something of her, I get sequels and whining. Everything is a battle. nap time, meal time, potty time, and so on. Most of it is because she will just ignore me. If I say it's time to clean up in one min, she will run and hide behind the curtains or behind something else. I have really really really tried with her and want to see her succeed. I know she can do the things that I am asking, she just plain refuses.

I love all of my DCKs and I have a connection with all of them. I just really feel that I don't have one with this little girl and I don't know how to find one. I can't communicate with her, she won't communicate with me.
I have tried everything I can....

Any suggestions on how I can build a better relationship with this child and better connect with them?

[My3cents]

I have a day care girl that is somewhat new. She is a very sweet little girl most of the time, however, there are a lot of issues.

LIttle back ground, DCG is 4 and is the youngest child in the family. Very babied and has limited speech. it is very obvious that she is very spoiled at home by everyone in the family. She still wears diapers, has no interest in potty training and does not participate in any of our activities that we have. She is often very defiant and often will not listen to me or when I do ask something of her, I get sequels and whining. Everything is a battle. nap time, meal time, potty time, and so on. Most of it is because she will just ignore me. If I say it's time to clean up in one min, she will run and hide behind the curtains or behind something else. I have really really really tried with her and want to see her succeed. I know she can do the things that I am asking, she just plain refuses.

I love all of my DCKs and I have a connection with all of them. I just really feel that I don't have one with this little girl and I don't know how to find one. I can't communicate with her, she won't communicate with me.
I have tried everything I can....

Any suggestions on how I can build a better relationship with this child and better connect with them?

love her unconditionally even when you don't want to.....she is just a child. Hold her to some standards of capability. When she runs, get up and go get her and say to her, we don't run away when I ask you to help. You will exhaust yourself, but most likely this child will be one that you cherish a lot.

Someone mentioned in another post make the child your helper, your side by side. Try that. Keep on keepin.

If all else fails, either get through the day with her or and I am not a big fan of this.......term. Sometimes the connection is just not there and that is ok, and no one's fault, just the way we are- She might thrive with someone else and you will feel a heavy come off.

Best-

[daycare]

thanks so much for responding. I honestly believe that all children are just so pure and innocent at this age and just really want to be loved and I try so hard to do this and want to do this. I know that the lack of communication between her and I is very difficult.

I have tried asking her to be my helper, but she cannot and will not even follow very simple directions.....

I have tried to recite positive affirmations to myself every hour or so when I feel frustrated by this child or just feel so disconnected. They work for a few minutes, until the next episode..

I think what I might do is spend a little more one on one time with her and see if I can't build a better relationship with her. But am afraid, that she will then start to demand it all the time thinking that this is what will happen daily....

Any other ideas....??

[Heidi]

The little girl I have has improved ALOT since I've made sure to give her more one-on-one. We still have our moments, but they are weekly, not daily, so it's much better.

I've noticed she just needs to be touched a lot. Hugs, messing with her hair, that kind of thing. She just feels more reassured. I also use a lot of humor with her, and it's helped as well.

For instance, she likes to baby-talk (eww). When she did it the other day, I started saying gooo goo ga ga, and we had a "conversation" back and forth. Pretty soon, we were cracking up, because she realized how silly it sounded!

[daycare]

That sounds like a plan to baby talk back but the squealikng thing is more than the baby talk. Do you think it would work for that too??

[Sprouts]

:: hehe i had a girl like this too, not exactly the same but def. head strong and would ignore me.

I just pictured coming out of no where and saying goo goo gaga and having the child look at me like i am crazy, sorry that just made me laugh hehe

any-who...when everyone was napping or doing another activity I would have one on one time with and share a cup of chocolate milk, her favorite drink, and we would just chat randomly about whatever she wanted. I used to think "what is up with this girl"?? Because sometimes she would just stare and seem so distant and blank, but the one on one time def. did help.

Also it may seem tedious but def. take notes and observations of her as well. Write down what worked, what didn't. Any specific behaviors you notice. Make some kind printable form that you can use every day so you can look back and maybe see any patterns that may be of interest. (maybe to the parents interest as well).....at 4 years old a lot of these behaviors may be a sign of something else...

And if it is too stressful and taking too much of your loving sweet energy....then...do what is best for you....good luck =)