Help Me Curb The "Mines"...

[meganlavonnesmommy]

I'm going crazy! I have 3-2 year olds in my group. I know the "mine" stage is totally normal. But its driving me nuts. It's all day, about everything, and turns into huge fights.

Everything is "mine", my coat, my shoes, my daddy, my hair, everything!

When we put on our coats to go outside one will say "my coat" (holding their own coat), and then the other will say "my coat", holding THEIR own coat, and they will argue about it, when they both have their own coat!

When parents pick up, they will point to their mom or dad and say "my daddy", which prompts the others to argue about "their daddy".

I've been trying to get them to say "Sally's coat", instead of mine, but it isnt working. If the "mines" go on long enough, and they are in a crabby mood it sometimes escalates into yelling, pushing or hitting. Usually when I'm busy with something else and cant curb it right away.

Any ideas or tips?

[Cat Herder]

"Mine!" = Gone.....

No lectures or discussion. Do not let them see it upsets you.... It is just something that happens when they are not being respectful of their belongings, group toys or each other.

Take back the coats, hang them up and delay outside time.

Any toy that is becoming the target of "Mine!" goes to the clean-up box (out of sight and reach) until tomorrow.

Let them get reacquainted with their friend, Imagination....don't be afraid of it.

They will learn that "Mine!" = Loss of privileges.

Consistency is the key here.

[SilverSabre25]

Ugh, I know what you mean. My group juuuust passed that stage and it's wonderful...although it still rears it's ugly head from time to time, mostly from one child who likes to purposefully start fights.

Developmentally, the reason they are fighting about *their own* coats and their own daddies, etc, is because they just simply can not understand that the other child is talking about his own coat or his own daddy--"my daddy" refers to ONE person in their little minds and they do not have the perspective taking in order to understand that other people have coats and daddies too.

That doesn't make it less frustrating though but I always find that understand what exactly is going on in their heads from a developmental perspective makes it easier to take a step back and a deep breath and deal with it constructively.

In the situations you described, I would cheerfully leap into the conversation as soon as the second child said "My coat" and announce happily, "Look! Jimmy has his blue coat and Sally has her purple coat and Fred has his red firetruck coat and I have my black coat! We all have a coat!" and the daddy thing, when the child who's daddy did not show up started to argue about it, I would jump in with, "Yes, Josh's daddy is here to take him home. Your daddy is at work and you'll see him later! Let's say bye to Josh!"

[Ariana]

Ugh, I know what you mean. My group juuuust passed that stage and it's wonderful...although it still rears it's ugly head from time to time, mostly from one child who likes to purposefully start fights.

Developmentally, the reason they are fighting about *their own* coats and their own daddies, etc, is because they just simply can not understand that the other child is talking about his own coat or his own daddy--"my daddy" refers to ONE person in their little minds and they do not have the perspective taking in order to understand that other people have coats and daddies too.

That doesn't make it less frustrating though but I always find that understand what exactly is going on in their heads from a developmental perspective makes it easier to take a step back and a deep breath and deal with it constructively.

In the situations you described, I would cheerfully leap into the conversation as soon as the second child said "My coat" and announce happily, "Look! Jimmy has his blue coat and Sally has her purple coat and Fred has his red firetruck coat and I have my black coat! We all have a coat!" and the daddy thing, when the child who's daddy did not show up started to argue about it, I would jump in with, "Yes, Josh's daddy is here to take him home. Your daddy is at work and you'll see him later! Let's say bye to Josh!"

Yes this is what I do as well. I find the best thing to do is bring them out of it with distraction in this way.

[SimpleMom]

Ugh, I know what you mean. My group juuuust passed that stage and it's wonderful...although it still rears it's ugly head from time to time, mostly from one child who likes to purposefully start fights.

Developmentally, the reason they are fighting about *their own* coats and their own daddies, etc, is because they just simply can not understand that the other child is talking about his own coat or his own daddy--"my daddy" refers to ONE person in their little minds and they do not have the perspective taking in order to understand that other people have coats and daddies too.

That doesn't make it less frustrating though but I always find that understand what exactly is going on in their heads from a developmental perspective makes it easier to take a step back and a deep breath and deal with it constructively.

In the situations you described, I would cheerfully leap into the conversation as soon as the second child said "My coat" and announce happily, "Look! Jimmy has his blue coat and Sally has her purple coat and Fred has his red firetruck coat and I have my black coat! We all have a coat!" and the daddy thing, when the child who's daddy did not show up started to argue about it, I would jump in with, "Yes, Josh's daddy is here to take him home. Your daddy is at work and you'll see him later! Let's say bye to Josh!"

This exactly! I have been known to take a toy and put it up if it's causing too much hassle as well (i.e. if it excalates to pushing or biting, that kind of thing).

They are not only fighting "mine" with eachother,but themselves. It's the nature of the 2's The more you play as a group down at thier level (which you probably are anyway) the less they have time to do the "mine" thing, but when they do it's easier to teach them about whose is what and so forth.

I'm right in the middle of the 2's as well. Three of them (actually, they are all 1 1/2, but it's almost the same anyway!).

[cheerfuldom]

I do exactly what Cath says. anything that turns into a fight, immediately is taken away.

[meganlavonnesmommy]

That's the hard part, they rarely fight over toys. If they do I take it away.

Its the things I cant take away that I dont know what to do. Ie: my daddy, coats, shoes, hats, "my couch", "my chair", my sister...

I've tried the positive speech that silversabre is talking about, and it seems to help in the moment. But its not curbing the behaviour.

[Cat Herder]

The most important part, IMHO, is not giving attention to the negative behavior. Try to just ignore it....like I said, no lectures or discussion about it at all while it is happening.

I'd literally just move on to the next actvity. I put my energy and attention into the correct behaviors going on in the room.

If they are doing it as we are moving to the couch to view a TV show, we all move to the floor and get out books.

If they do it while putting on coats to go outside, we hang them up and move on to another indoor activity....even if just for a few minutes. "OK, coats up, let's all line up at hopscotch."

As far as when the parents are there.... ignoring it is your best option. Chances are the parents will feed into it if you try to intervene.

Negative attention is just as good as positive for many... Feeding into it makes it worse, IMHO.

Now, I'd also get some books on the subject and make it part of our circle times for a while. Mine! by Shutta Crum and Patrice Barton, and Mine! Mine! Mine! by Shelly Becker would be a good start. Then move on to "feelings", "sharing" and "taking turns".