Can Anyone Tell Me Why???

[daycare]

I am not new to DC, in fact ive been doing it for almost 9 years now.

can anyone tell me WHY WHY WHY don't parents read anything or listen to our policies?

I have some great parents. They pick up on time, they pay on time, they follow most of my rules no problem. I know that change takes time for everyone and so I allow for a few mistakes here and there, we are only human. I also send out small reminders now and then to help the process.

I have a new DCF that I adore, both parents went over all of the policies with me before the child started. They had tons of questions that I answered and are very into their child's life. Everything seemed as though they understood all of my rules and policies.....

A few days ago DCD shows up with food for the kid in a snack cup and chocolate milk. I quickly tell DCD, sorry, I can't allow outside food, remember food program rules???
Yet every day they come in with food and I remind them again.

Of course we discussed how I run my program, we went through it very detailed. They were told how everything is ran here from hour to hour. when meals are when naps are, what time my preschool program is ran and so on.

Now, I am being asked to feed the child earlier and of course their 2 year old does not need a nap now.......

they are asking for special special special up the waaaazooooo..

But it seems like everyone does this, not just them.

WHY?? Someone tell me why do they do this. What am I doing wrong???

Or maybe I should be asking how do we handle parent complaints? Like ever since my child started your daycare we cant get them to go to bed at night? What are you doing? Ummm I don't know why....there could a million reasons why.

[DaycareMama]

I don't think that some parents fully comprehend that we are watching other children too.

[Blackcat31]

Sorry for my bluntness but they are doing it because you are letting them. You yourself said, you "allow for a few mistakes here and there" and that is the teeny tiny crack that gets blown wide open and causes parents to think you will always make those exceptions to your rules.

Yes, we are human and mistakes and exceptions are often made but IMHO, in this business if you do it once, you will always be expected to. I am VERY firm upfront and it pays off for me as my dcp's dont ever ask for "special". I run a pretty tight ship but still have a great relationship with my DCfamilies so it si possible to be human and still get parents to listen/read/understand.

Not only do I give written notes and reminders but when handing the note over, I also verbally address the issue so there is no gray area that leads anyone to believe I will ever make an exception.

If a family asked me to feed their child earlier, I would say, "I am sorry but I do not make exceptions to my meal schedules. You can find this same information in my handbook."

As far as the food being brought in you need to step up and say "John, we have addressed this issue before and I need to male sure you understand that I do NOT allow food/drinks to be brought into my home. I feel very disrespected when you ignore my policies. Please do not allow this to happen again."

Yes, it is SUPER hard to learn to speak up, but honestly if you don't, you are going to continue to have the issue. Once you do speak up, everything else becomes easier......I promise.

[daycare]

Sorry for my bluntness but they are doing it because you are letting them. You yourself said, you "allow for a few mistakes here and there" and that is the teeny tiny crack that gets blown wide open and causes parents to think you will always make those exceptions to your rules.

Yes, we are human and mistakes and exceptions are often made but IMHO, in this business if you do it once, you will always be expected to. I am VERY firm upfront and it pays off for me as my dcp's dont ever ask for "special". I run a pretty tight ship but still have a great relationship with my DCfamilies so it si possible to be human and still get parents to listen/read/understand.

Not only do I give written notes and reminders but when handing the note over, I also verbally address the issue so there is no gray area that leads anyone to believe I will ever make an exception.

If a family asked me to feed their child earlier, I would say, "I am sorry but I do not make exceptions to my meal schedules. You can find this same information in my handbook."

As far as the food being brought in you need to step up and say "John, we have addressed this issue before and I need to male sure you understand that I do NOT allow food/drinks to be brought into my home. I feel very disrespected when you ignore my policies. Please do not allow this to happen again."

Yes, it is SUPER hard to learn to speak up, but honestly if you don't, you are going to continue to have the issue. Once you do speak up, everything else becomes easier......I promise.

but the thing is WHY should I have to when we just went over all of the rules... Its like they act as if we never did. If I said to you yesterday "cat you need to be here at 9am and you showed up at 9:30 today...Well unless you had a really good reason of course. Like the easter bunny ate your legs and you couldnt drive your car....
I would look at you and say REALLY, didnt we just discuss this?? I would feel so disrespected.

AND when they break a rule, I do speak up right away. Whe DCD brought the food in the first time I said right away, Dont you remember the food program rules? I can't allow for that food to come in with her any more... I even went as far as sending in an email to the DCP both of them the reminder of my policy and that I understood that sometimes we forget, but that I need them to get on board with my program.

I think I stood up for myself right away, but I just don't understand why I even have to stand up for myself with all of this in the first place...

[wdmmom]

I would write up a "Policy Violation/30 day Probation" paper stating that they are in violation of whatever policies and they've received verbal notice. Now they are receiving written notice for their repetitive violations to the rules.

Specifically state that ANY violation to ANY rule within the next 30 days will result in immediate termination.

When you are writing out the violations, write

REPETITIVELY BRINGING IN FOOD/DRINK - - - NO FOOD OR DRINK IS ALLOWED!

NAPTIME IS FROM ___-___PM. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR YOUR CHILD TO BE EXEMPT FROM NAP. IF A FULL AFTERNOON NAP ISN'T REQUIRED, YOUR CHILD HAS OUTGROWN OUR PROGRAM.

[Cat Herder]

I just don't understand why I even have to stand up for myself with all of this in the first place...

First, you know I agree with Blackcat. We have been telling you this since summer.... You have such a big heart, you need to balance it with a "big stick".

You have to stand up for yourself because YOU are the BOSS. You are a business owner. Policy Enforcement is the HARDEST part of the job....but still a part of the job.

It may even be one of the most important aspects of the job because it effects everything else. If you don't enforce your policies consistently they will walk on you. When that happens you grow resentful of the required constant policing (who wouldn't?), that leads to burnout and burnout leads to nothing good.

I RARELY have to police my parents because I Rarely give exceptions. They stopped asking... They KNOW what I can and can't offer. They know I have no fear of letting them go... It is very important for them to know that, just like for any other relationship in your life. IT must work both ways.

[LittleD]

I think I stood up for myself right away, but I just don't understand why I even have to stand up for myself with all of this in the first place...

They probably figure if they just keep doing it, you'll eventually leave them alone! :: Are their kids like this too?

[Ariana]

It's because most parents see us as an employee that they pay to succumb to their wishes instead of a service provider that they entered into an agreement with.

I'd give them a termination warning, that should help them "remember" the rules

[cheerfuldom]

you have to continue to enforce your rules. thats just the way it is for any business.

parents do this because they really really want a yes and are hoping that by asking enough or breaking rules enough, they will get a yes. sounds like what your typical toddler would do. some people just never learn respect.

[PitterPatter]

but the thing is WHY should I have to when we just went over all of the rules... Its like they act as if we never did. If I said to you yesterday "cat you need to be here at 9am and you showed up at 9:30 today...Well unless you had a really good reason of course. Like the easter bunny ate your legs and you couldnt drive your car....
I would look at you and say REALLY, didnt we just discuss this?? I would feel so disrespected.

AND when they break a rule, I do speak up right away. Whe DCD brought the food in the first time I said right away, Dont you remember the food program rules? I can't allow for that food to come in with her any more... I even went as far as sending in an email to the DCP both of them the reminder of my policy and that I understood that sometimes we forget, but that I need them to get on board with my program.

I think I stood up for myself right away, but I just don't understand why I even have to stand up for myself with all of this in the first place...

Beacuse you gave an inch somewhere along the line and now they want a mile.

I am guilty of the very same issue. I give a little and BAM! It's getting easier for me though. I use to give a lot and get walked on a lot. No fees paid by anyone, late payments, late pick ups etc. I was running late and broke to boot! No more, I put a new contract out with:

*I have been very lenient in the past with enforcing fees, but will no longer be able to be as accommodating since both of these issues do impact my family and personal obligations. Thank you for your understanding.

I have stuck by it and refuse to budge on it and the same food isssue you have or any other issue now.

Oh and thanks to everyone here I have stopped explaining WHY. I tell them to see the handbook for the information we have already discussed.

[Unregistered]

I would sit them down again and let them know that they have to leave any outside food at the door. Explain to them it's for the safety of the other children. (We had severe nut allergies and parents ALWAYS would bring something with NUTS, so that's why I adopted the No Outside Food policy) First of all, that's just lazy if they can't sit the kid down with a bowl of cereal and let them eat while getting themselves ready. I understand maybe sometimes sleeping in, being in a hurry, etc...but every day?....that's on them, not you. You are NOT changing your breakfast or other meal times for just one child and you are not taking away a rest period, even if the 2yo doesn't sleep at home, she might for you or maybe she'll read or watch a cartoon quietly as to allow the OTHER children who need a nap to sleep. If they don't agree to the terms (that I'm sure were in your contract), they can leave. I know the idea stinks because you need the money but at the same time, when parents walk all over you, it's because they are the type waiting to take advantage and as SOON as you stop doing things the way they want, they're also the type to turn you in to CPS with a story they make up. Never ever get blinded thinking parents are great. I had a parent stay with me for two years and little by little, things went south (they would be later and later, they'd "forget" payment or they'd give me only 1/2 assuming that if they chose not to bring their child, I would just forgive the days. Once I took a mini-vacation (3 days off to be exact) and they whined about it and BECAUSE I took THREE days off after almost 2 years of not taking ANY days off, they quit on me and tried to force me to give them a refund. I didn't do it, I kept the money and told them their quitting was their choice and that I had a right to take 3 days off. I even paid their backup for them. Ungrateful and thankless people).