There is No Santa!

[MsMe]

Christmas is over and I thought this problem was too....

I have a DCF (4yrs and 2 yrs) that were told by Mom and Dad that there is no Santa. Now, to each there own...I don't judge, but the 4yr old can not keep this info to himself. (nor do I expect him to understand why he should)

I was on pins and needles all week before Christmas....It really put a damper on the week...I just tried to not mention Santa if at all possible

I thought I was in the clear this week....but just now I overheard one kids say to the other something about a Santa gift and just as DCK was saying BUT THERE IS NO.....I came rushing in and maybe a little too loud asked the boy to stop...It caught me off gaurd and while I wasnt yelling I was a little excited It just so happens that this is also my child that is WAY sensitive and throws giant tantrums at the drop of a hat and it took me 10 minutes to get him calmed down.


The kicker is as soon as we were done talking he went straight up to the same kid (who is a BIG believer) and told him again!!!

UGH

Anyone else have any non believers?

[laundrymom]

My response has always been

Santa only is real for those who believe in him, which is why James got a visit and jonah didn't.


Then I would have a serious chat with parents. I will force NOONES beliefs down anyone else's child. But I'll be danged if they screw up something from another child.

[MsMe]

My response has always been

Santa only is real for those who believe in him, which is why James got a visit and jonah didn't.


Then I would have a serious chat with parents. I will force NOONES beliefs down anyone else's child. But I'll be danged if they screw up something from another child.

I thought about saying this, but I didn't think if it would be right bc the the "no Santa" kid is a no Santa kid bc Christmas is about Church not Santa, and he doesn't have the choice to believe he is told flat out NO Santa. Now if he was a littel older and just being a turd then ofcourse.

I told the Mom of the big believer that this child knew and she nearly hit the floor. Growing up Santa memories are 3 of my top 5 so I woul dbe heart broken if any of my DCK lost them.

I REALLY do understand and RESPECT EVERY families rights and reasons to raise their children. I am just in a sticky spot on this one....

[Heidi]

I would say to the non-believer "well, we all believe different things" Joey and I beleive in Santa, you don't. That's ok" shrug shoulders, friendly tone...

[Blackcat31]

I really have no advice for the situation here but I just wanted to say that as a parent, when your child spends time in any type of social group with other children, it is kind of a given that someone somewhere will eventually tell your child that Santa isn't real. I would think parents should be pro-active on this and one would think there would be a plan in place for this kind of situation.

Seems like every year there are providers on here posting about this and the provider is the one left wondering how to handle it.... Maybe next year before the season arrives, this would be a great topic of conversation to include in family newsletters, parent-teacher conferences and conversations with parents.

[MsMe]

Thanks Blackcat. I did let the parents of the other boy know and the other friend he told is good friends with this parents so they can talk about it on their own.


This is the first year in 8 years of daycare it came up....I just really don't want to be the one that 'spills the beans'

The other part of this situation that I need advice on is he HUGE overreaction when I ask him NOT to say it again. His Mother did tell him to play along and not tell other kids...but he is FOUR, plus I think its wrong to ask a 4yr old to keep a "secret". He YELLS and screams that i am mean and that he is never coming here again. I promise I am NOT being mean just nicley asking him to not say it again. I hate upsetting him and (not just this issue)

[Blackcat31]

The other part of this situation that I need advice on is he HUGE overreaction when I ask him NOT to say it again. His Mother did tell him to play along and not tell other kids...but he is FOUR, plus I think its wrong to ask a 4yr old to keep a "secret". He YELLS and screams that i am mean and that he is never coming here again. I promise I am NOT being mean just nicley asking him to not say it again. I hate upsetting him and (not just this issue)

I would treat his behavior as if it were any other negative or unwanted behavior. Let him know in private that Santa will NOT be discussed at your house (next year is a whole new ballgame so...). Treat "Santa" for right now as if it is a swear word. Let him know ahead of time what his consequence will be....time out, separation, loss of priviledge or whatever you are doing for discipline for him and then if he brings up the word....straight away to the consequence. In a few days, the novelty of getting a rise out of everyone will wear off and he will forget about the subject.

As far as his being upset about other things, he will need to learn how to properly behave in a social situation and to do that, you not only need to model good behavior but point out how others are doing it right...such as "I really like the way some of you kids are working together and not fighting over the blocks today." If he gets wind of the fact that you are "avoiding" him being upset, he is going to run with it and you will have bigger problems. He needs to know that rules are rules and you will enforce them. If he gets upset, I would give him a place to cool down and then talk with him about why whatever the rule was is the rule. Safety, taking turns, or whatever. He is planty old enough to understand that if he does "A" then "B" will happen.

I think from what you are saying he has big emotional outbursts because it is his way of preventing punishment or his way of getting what he wants or gettin attention. He needs a quiet spot (with zero audience) that he can use to "feel" however he wants and when he is ready to behave in a socially acceptable manner, he can rejoin the group. I have had kids spend 1-2 minutes separated and I have had kids spend days separated. Of course there is never a time limit on the separation, just a "come on and join the rest of us whenever you feel you are ready" Then as soon as they do rejoin, they misbehave and end up separated until they are ready to re-join and then rinse and repeat until the child finally gets it and complies as a happy, contributing member of your social society...

I know it is a lot of work, but is worth it. Kids need to learn early how to regulate themselves in social situations or in the face of adversity. the earlier they learn, the better the adjust to life in general.

Hang in there....

[MsMe]

Thanks again Blackcat! All good ideas.

His outburst are nothing new. He has been here since he was 6 wks and I swear he has been this way since day one. My main issue now is instead of just throwing a trantrum he has added the " I will never coem here again" and for the first time flat out said it at drop off time. " I don't want to stay here bc Ms. ******** will yell at me." I NEVER YELL, he YELLS, I use the same time outs and vocabulay as his parents (we talk often about how to handle his outbursts).

I really think his Mother knows I don't yell and punish him unjustly or unfaily.....but you can never be too sure when it comes to how a parent thinks their child is beign treated. I LOVE this DCK and his family dearly and I have never had a child scream when entering my care bc they didn't want to spend the day with me!!! ( I keep telling myself that is the phrase that he is usign to get attention, but it still really hurt.)

[daycare]

I had a Santa issue this year, but it was a parent, no a child. I told the parent that it was fine that I would honor the fact that they chose to tell their 3 year old there is no santa, but please ask your child to keep that to themselves. which surprisingly they did.

I will do a news letter next year to talk about what to expect from daycare at christmas time...

[Sprouts]

This can be an interesting issue in families, instead of telling our child there is no such thing as santa, we explained to her who St. Nicholas was and that Santa is based on him, so maybe teaching the daycare children about St. Nicholas...