How To Tell Parents To Bathe Their Kids?

[Michelle]

another temporary fix for the hair is "no more tangles " or some kind of detangling spray... I know it's not as good as a bath but it will at least help with the knots and the odor.

I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.

Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint

[PitterPatter]

I can't believe the children's Aid didn't take this issue more seriously. Makes you wonder what else is going on at home.

I really think you need to enforce some rules here about these kids. Tell her you want them bathed 2X a week or you will begin bathing them and charging her an extra fee. I would then threaten to term if she doesn't comply. These kids need to be bathed. It's a major health issue IMO. The last thing I'd be worried about is offending this mom. Think only about the kids here and their well being.

I should also add that I've washed clothes and the mom didn't even notice. A snowsuit that was FILTHY went home looking brand new and the mom didn't even notice or care

I am afraid she will pull the kids. She already adnitted to being in at least 2 other daycares and left because of their "stupid policies" I bet this was the issue and she will just keep moving them. At least here I care and try. What if they go somewhere that doesnt care or try to make a difference. Plus they are good kids I dont want to risk losing them, I had my share of troubled kids.

I have washed the coats and I know DCM noticed she did a double take last spring and I said they had gotten them dirty while playing outside so I washed them. OMG I took before and after pics, what a dif!!! The little girls coat was clean after 1 wash and gleaming from a 2nd wash! When I saw the rinse water brown I knew I had to wash again. The cuffs were stained but they smelled so good and were even sofeter and fluffier!

[PitterPatter]

another temporary fix for the hair is "no more tangles " or some kind of detangling spray... I know it's not as good as a bath but it will at least help with the knots and the odor.

I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.

Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint

WOW 2 great ideas!!!

Oh and what about that dry hairspray or something? It cleans your hair with spray?

I know they use the sink at least because she complains the people staying with them leaves the water sit in the sink for days until its full of dishes and moldy. (ummm its YOUR house) This is just another 1 of those, why would you ever tell anyone this info, situations.

Geez I could have forgotten to give a Christmas gift over the weekend and taken it. Now the wheels are turning what can I go for. AND when I go I can then report, Yes I did see the home...

Thank you!

[SandeeAR]

You keep saying, "I'm afraid she will pull the kids". Then advertise, get two new kids lined up and term her Immediately. Problem solved.

[PitterPatter]

You keep saying, "I'm afraid she will pull the kids". Then advertise, get two new kids lined up and term her Immediately. Problem solved.

It's not that easy. I adore the kids. They are good kids and they deserve a change. She will just put them somwhere else again as she has already done 3 times now. I want to help the kids. I had hoped to pound some sense into DCMs head but I guess it won't happen. Even if I wasn't so attached to them I still wouldn't let go so easily because I know the next kid could be a terror and just more drama.

I want to see these kids happy AND healthy. I want to see these kids have all they deserve. I can't just toss them aside and say next.

[SandeeAR]

It's not that easy. I adore the kids. They are good kids and they deserve a change. She will just put them somwhere else again as she has already done 3 times now. I want to help the kids. I had hoped to pound some sense into DCMs head but I guess it won't happen. Even if I wasn't so attached to them I still wouldn't let go so easily because I know the next kid could be a terror and just more drama.

I want to see these kids happy AND healthy. I want to see these kids have all they deserve. I can't just toss them aside and say next.

I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on. Right now, you aren't realizing it, but you are putting the needs of these two kids before the needs of the other dcks.

At some point, she is going to say enough is enough (of you and your policies) and move on anyway. How many of the other kids are you going to lose in the process? When parents get tired of the complaints from their kids about the smell, etc.

Just putting things out there for you to think about (besides, just those 2 kids).

[daycare]

I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on.

I have to say that I do agree with this. As you have already tired to help change DCM for the better, it's just not going to happen. It make take a lighting bolt to hit her in the butt before she figures it out and sadly, she just may never get it. EVER.

she may have been raised in worse conditions than she is raising her children and think taht she is doing a super job. You never know the other side of things.

I know you have worked so hard and you can at least say that you gave it your all.

I have been where you are and the feeling is horrible. You just want to take these kids and hold them and let them know everything will always be ok. But in the end, it's just not a reality for us to do this and the kids go home with mom when the day is done. We can't save them all, but in our heart of hearts we know we tried...

Big hugs..............

[sharlan]

Did I read you right? The 4 yo is still in diapers? Won't this child be starting K next year?

I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.

[mommiesherie]

I had a DCM similar to this in the past. turned out she suffered from a mental illness and when it all came to light it made sense but at the time I didn't understand why my reports weren't being looked in to either. I am betting htey are watching her and the non-bathed kids are the least of her issues. I would assume that DHS knows how this mom parents but must address the big issues first.

In the mean time, I suggest you document EVERYTHING. Keep a file folder and perhaps photograph the child's appearance upon arrival and write down EVERYTHING the DCM says to you in regards to her "parenting".

I would also call your licensor and talk with her about this situation. She could have some more advice about what to do and not do. One thing I did want to mention is to be careful what the rules and regs in your state say about bathing dck's. Just because you care and want to help won't exclude you from being in trouble for breaking the rules...kwim?

I can't say it enough but document, document, document.

In my case, after three and half years of documenting, reporting and stressing out my DCM had her children removed from her custody and to date does not have them back but is receiving care for her illness. It doesn't change what happened and I can bet her kids will have life long repercussions from what happened but in my heart of hearts, I know I did the right thing by being patient and documenting everything, even if it seemed like no big deal.

All those "no big deals" added up to a file folder 5 inches thick and was the deciding factor for the judge to remove the kids from her care.

It was/is emtionally heart wrenching and I will say that it did affect me to the point that I will never again become so involved in a situation like that.

So chin up....and start a notebook (if you haven't already) that documents every conversation, the kids' appearance/condition and anything you thing "might" be relavant later on if it became necessary. I think your DCM is just looking for attention and has figured out how to get it...I hate to say it but she isn't the first and won't be the last. Hang in there....

Yup document everything!!!! I mean everything in detail. And scrub those little boogers down. Does the mom take a regular bath?

[PitterPatter]

Did I read you right? The 4 yo is still in diapers? Won't this child be starting K next year?

I totally understand where you are coming from. You cannot turn your back on a child. I would find a way to bathe them.

Yes 4 and still in diapers. We hit and miss here but she just wont tell me when she has to go I have to try to get her there on my own as if she was a baby. Never had this hard of a time before and 2 yr old, forget it! He will even lie with a poo filled diaper when I ask. Mom says she wont force them they will do it in their own time so of course it wont work without her help at home.

Yup document everything!!!! I mean everything in detail. And scrub those little boogers down. Does the mom take a regular bath?

Mom is cleaner but still has an odor too.

Thank you everyone for the help and advise it's all appreciated.

[PitterPatter]

I not saying just put them aside to be harse. Just you have to realize, you aren't going to change her. You either have to live with things the way they are, and continue to let them adversely effect you, your family and the other daycare kids, or move on. Right now, you aren't realizing it, but you are putting the needs of these two kids before the needs of the other dcks.

At some point, she is going to say enough is enough (of you and your policies) and move on anyway. How many of the other kids are you going to lose in the process? When parents get tired of the complaints from their kids about the smell, etc.

Just putting things out there for you to think about (besides, just those 2 kids).

They aren't the only kids I think about. I put my son above ALL. He is in school most of the day as is the other DCKs. I treat ALL DCKs the same. Right now they are the only 2 here all day. With the exception of winter break right now.

[Kaddidle Care]

I had a mom that never gave her kids baths at all and came to find out she was a horder and her sinks and bathtubs were full of junk and didn't even have running water.

Make an excuse to go over there to drop something off and ask to use their bathroom...and bring some bath bubbles for the kids..hint hint

I think you are spot on with the hoarding thing. I'm picturing a bath tub filled with "stuff".

I'd be afraid they will eventually bring something into your home like scabies, lice, roaches, etc.

Also, they will make your home smell and this will prevent you from getting any other DC children.

I'd tell Mom that the other children are avoiding hers because they smell. They need to be bathed at least every other day and their hair needs to be washed at least once a week.

Mom needs a good kick in the arse. If she doesn't clean up her act, report her again.

[Sprouts]

some stuff i found that maybe you can give to parents instead of singling her out....but yes someone needs to be straight with her if the smell is that bad....poor kids

https://www.guardian.com.my/v2/files/healthtips/html/Guardin_Lifebouy.pdf

[3kidzmama]

It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.

[Breezy]

It is obvious that she isn't going to bathe them. Could you begin a daily unit on cleanliness? Send home a newsletter stating that your new schedule will include teaching the children to care for their own bodies (including washing, brushing teeth, grooming hair, etc). Then proceed to spend 15-30 minutes each morning doing that. At least then the children will be clean and you will have a valid educational response to any questioning that dcm may have. 2-1 says she doesn't give a rip. but maybe the kids will learn to do it themselves. Poor babies.

Or they will start to request it at home constantly!!