O...M...G....How Much Do You Hold Your Newborns?!

[Blackcat31]

Amen to that!

Believe me, I've seriously considered moving there for that and other reasons! My father lives there so it wouldn't be *too* terribly weird to decide to do it.

Although, for good parental leave, I'd like to go to Norway, please. Or was it Sweden? Or Denmark? One of those Nordic countries. Each parent gets 18 months of parental leave, and it can be taken such that a child has a parent at home with them full-time until they are 3 years old. And they have free daycares, too, IIRC.

One of my DCM's is from the Czech Republic and that is what they do there for family leave, then free pre-school and then school.... No daycares!

That's

[Christian Mother]

wow, if that is the def. of cio...letting a baby scream bloody murder..I def. don't do that. I get the twitches if a baby is even fussy for over 7 min. I'm constantly checking on the baby making sure she's breathing...I freak about sudden infant syndrome. I think learning to fall asleep on their own with out assistance is a good thing. Although that normal gets introduced gradually. Every day is a mile stone.

[MyAngels]

No, "Cry It Out" refers to leaving the child alone while they scream their poor little hearts out until they give up and go to sleep, from exhaustion. They give up hope that someone is going to come help them. They give up trust.

What you did with your nephew was fine.

Letting a baby fuss softly in their room alone, is fine.

Letting a baby scream until it's coughing and choking, letting a baby scream until his face turns red, letting a baby scream like alone that for hours upon hours, THAT is what "CIO" refers to. THAT is what is not okay. THAT is what is dangerous.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought the "cry it out" method is what people commonly call the method that Dr. Richard Ferber introduced in his book quite a while ago. If I'm remembering it correctly, it's when you put your child to sleep awake, checking on them every few minutes and gradually lengthening the time between checks. I also don't think he advocated starting it until around 6 months or so.

I'm fortunate that I have not run into a lot of sleep problems, either with my dc kids or with my own, so I can't speak to the effectiveness of this method, but I do remember it being all the rage when I was a young parent, 20 or so years ago.

[dave4him]

When my little Erin was in the NICU for the first six weeks of her life the night nurses would go in and hold her just because she was crying and was super adorable.... they loved holding her when it was a slow night..... thanks to those wonderful ladies.... at 16 months guess who still doesnt like to be put down

[littlemommy]

For me, personally, I could not let a baby that young CIO. I had a baby in the past whose mother said that was the only way he would sleep was to CIO-when he was 6 weeks old! Once I figured out a good feeding schedule for him he slept great here, without CIO. When I told his mom that she said that was the only way she would do it at home.

It worked here to not make him CIO, and that made things go smoothly for me. It's hard to have different ways of doing things than the parents. Honestly, for me, when that baby did cry, it made me leaky. As a breastfeeding mother, even hearing other babies cry would trigger a letdown! Kinda funny.

[Unregistered]

Believe me, I was not trying to be mean or make anyone feel bad. I GET that some parents don't have a choice but to work.

But my point was why have children when you will have to send them to daycare right off the bat? Why not wait until a time in your life, or make changes in your life, that would allow you to be able to be home with your child for at least the first while of their life? KWIM?

Seriously, you all need to move to Canada so you can enjoy the 52 weeks of maternity. :: It's sad that newborns go from the womb to a daycare setting so quickly, and that a mom doesn't have sufficient time to recuperate from labor and to really bond with her newborn. Your guys' system is screwy.

People who can't afford to have one parent stay home shouldn't have children? Wow, how's the view from your high horse?

[greenhouse]

I am AP with my child and I'm a big believer in it. I thought I could offer AP style daycare....but I quickly realized AP daycare is an oxymoron. AP style is for parents only IMO. I can offer loving care, but I can't carry your toddler around all day and ignore everything else. And that means tears sometimes and I hate this part of the job. I won't take younger than 6 months personally. Best of luck OP, I hope the baby adjusts for you.

[renodeb]

Let me guess, mom probably puts him in bed with her to. I have one little girl who started her at 2 1/2 mos. It seems like I held her alot at first and gradually got her used to being in the swing, or where ever I put her. Shes a really good baby though so it wasnt hard. The next thing for her is learning to nap consistently. Just keep in mind that when the baby was home with mom they had lots of time to hang out and hold that baby so thats all it new. I have to agree, time will be the key in this case.
Debbie

[frgsonmysox]

Let me guess, mom probably puts him in bed with her to. I have one little girl who started her at 2 1/2 mos. It seems like I held her alot at first and gradually got her used to being in the swing, or where ever I put her. Shes a really good baby though so it wasnt hard. The next thing for her is learning to nap consistently. Just keep in mind that when the baby was home with mom they had lots of time to hang out and hold that baby so thats all it new. I have to agree, time will be the key in this case.
Debbie

Whats wrong with co-sleeping?

[Unregistered]

I would not let a 10 week old CIO. I think it takes a while to adjust to daycare and there may be other issues going on with the infant.

My own infant is 8 weeks old and has terrible reflux. Fussiness is just a part of having a baby in care. I try to adjust babies once they are 6-7 months and do it in a step by step manner not just CIO all at once.


I do however think this is a place where you can entertain various ideas without other people assuming that is what you are going to do regarless of the child/issue. I had a difficult infant who would not nap unless held and I posted questions about CIO. It never ended up going that way but it wasnt to say that in my head I didn't think about what options there were for this child, my daycare, my sanity, the other kids in care etc.

[Blackcat31]

Whats wrong with co-sleeping?

I don't think poster was saying co-sleeping was bad, just that if that is the ONLY way a child knows how to get to sleep, then it sets the child up for a bad sleeping/napping experience at child care when the provider isn't going to lie down with or hold the child for each and every nap.

Co-sleeping can be a fantastic way to bond with your child but if it is the only way for a child to get to sleep then as a provider, I would coach mom to co-sleep at night but to teach the child to nap without her. My fussy little guy I have now is working on napping alone but co-sleeping with mom at night. If she hadn't made the change or wasn't willing to do so, I would not have kept this little one. It would not have been possible to do without alienating the other DCK's or losing my sanity.

[Unregistered]

People who can't afford to have one parent stay home shouldn't have children? Wow, how's the view from your high horse?

Seriously! And in what world are all babies planned? My nephew was a wonderful "surprise" when his mom was just 18 and yes he had to go to daycare at just 3 months old. He's now 15 and has a great relationship with his parents. I waited to have my son until I was nearly 30, college-educated, married with a house, dog, the whole gingerbread thing then the economy went down hill and our salaries were cut and we couldn't afford for me to stay home. Things don't always work out as planned. But luckily grandma was able to help us out. Now that I have a daycare I care for a newborn. Its not nearly as bad as some posters here make it out to be. I have a very small group (just 3 to 4 kids each day) and only take one young infant at a time. She gets plenty of love and attention and never cries it out and I think she's very lucky to have two mommy figures that love her!

[Unregistered]

You said the baby is Colicky and spoiled rotten, and how can parents do this to their providers?? That comment was extrememly selfish, the parents have every right to hold their baby 24/7 if they want to. And no one should be mad at them, for loving their baby....but really you don't know how much the babies held, it just might not be enjoying the daycare environment and all the kids yet.

[C'est la vie.]

I just keep passing this post and not replying, wanting to add a little comment that is unnecessary and not helpful and out of the scope of where this discussion has gone.

My reply as a mom would be "As much as I needed to feel good as a parent and still get a few things done around the house."
We all only do what we know to do. There is no clear "right" answer. My dd was content, my son was not. I tried to not hold him all the time. Now he's two and angry and fussy and wants to be cuddled constantly and I fight the guilt of wondering if he'd be more secure and content if I'd just held him whenever he wanted it, whenever I felt like it, as I did when I had only one child.