O...M...G....How Much Do You Hold Your Newborns?!

[Crystal]

This makes me sad. Decades of research has proven that babies learn through their senses and movement: through touch, through hearing soothing voices and sounds, through touch, through being free to move their bodies, and did I mention, through touch. It is proven that young infants cannot be spoiled. They must have the closeness and touch not only to learn and grow but to SURVIVE. Responsive caregiving leads to less fussy babies in the long run. Infants must bond with their caregivers and trust that their needs will be met.
While it is perfectly acceptable for child care providers to have differing opinions, styles, and practices, it is NOT acceptable to ignore years of knowledge regarding brain development, child development, and developmentally appropriate practice. If we don't learn about about children and accept that there are standards of care that must be met, then who are we to these children and their families?

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

I'd have said the same thing but I'd just get blasted for it

[cheerfuldom]

The thing about the hot button issues is that some things we can do as parents that we cannot do as providers and many of the AP things are something a parent can provide, not a daycare provider......such as a lot of baby wearing and "in arms" type care. Unfortunately, my daycare babies do some crying as wee ones but I only take one baby at a time (under 12 months) because they do need that extra time and attention, this way I don't have to do strict CIO with a young one. About 4 to 6 months is when I get them on to a routine and a well rested, well fed baby cries a lot less and keeps me from getting burnt out. I am horrified at the number of babies some providers or even facilities take. You know those kids are crying all day and most likely in equipment for most of the day.

[hoopinglady]

I brought my newborn home to my daycare 2 days after he was born and I didn't let him cry it out. I just worked around his sleeping. I really don't remember much, was in a bit of a fog back then.

It can be done, you just have to plan ahead.

I would be concerned with the screaming, make sure to rule out the tummy issues.

I think the concern from other poster was with your use of the word "spoiled". I think people are trying, generally, to educate, not attack.

I also think it's sad that newborns are going into daycare at all, to be honest.

[Unregistered]

No, ypu're absolutely right, that sometimes there's nothing you can do...but if that happens frequently I do believe that an underlying cause MUST exist. Usually, food-related. Someday, I'm going to have the chance to conduct some sort of experiment/study and prove this to be true...that in many cases of "colic", there is a damn good REASON why the child is crying.

Gas that can't funnel out~ Try working the body, burping from the butt up and moving the legs up and down and in a ride a bike motion, nice gentle pats. Try holding on the side, sometimes from the hip to the arm pit, gas bubbles form. Gentle massage to release.

Maybe try gas drops.

Love the Dr. Brown bottles too. They work well.

Don't underestimate these kiddo's. They are smart and some know just how to get what they want. They want comfort of a warm body to take care of them and make them feel safe and secure.

Another thought is teething- some infants teeth early.

[Unregistered]

I don't mean this with any disrespect because we are all free to raise our children as we see fit, but attached parenting and child care does not work very well together. Both concepts seem to be from completely different starting points....kwim?

I think AP is great but NOT for kids who have to be in group care. It just is not feasible. AP is awesome for mom's who are sahm's in my opinion.

FWIW~ I am NOT a fan of CIO either. I think parents have a reponsibility to their child, themselves and the provider to set routines and practices that are applicable in home AND child care. If they do things only one way (which doesn't always work in a childcare setting) then it isn't fair to the child or the provider.

This is really good-

[Heidi]

Somewhere between CIO and attachment parenting there is a cozy middle ground for me.

A baby whose needs have been met, and who has been cuddled, engaged, and loved, can and should be able to entertain themselves for short periods of time. Crying constantly indicates to me there is a problem. My approach would be to find out what the problem is. Two have been suggested here..digestive or over stimulation.

As far as the provider coping, I would hold him when you can, and when you can't, for whatever reason, put him down. Nearby, but not so close that everyone's ear drums are ruptured. Tell him..."I am going to put you down for a few minutes. I will be nearby". No, he can't understand the words, but he will begin to understand the tone. Walk away for 3 or 4 minutes, then come back and rub his tummy, and reassure him again. Lengthen the time a bit at a time. Offer him his thumb to ****, or a small wash-rag bunny, maybe.

Personally, I would not be able to have a screaming sack-o-potatoes hanging on me in a sling. My own adrenaline would kick in, and I totally believe in would be counterintuitive. I could not physically do it, either.

SAHM-Remember that this part is so temporary! He is only ten weeks, but think about where he'll be in a month. All this will probably be behind you. And, in a few months, he'll may be crawling already!

[Christian Mother]

I am a parent and provider that does believe in CIO. I believe in the old fashioned approach to things. Oldy is a goody...

I hate hate to hear the babies cry...I am the first one to come running and pick them up..I never had to do that with my son bc he was such a great sleeper..but my daughter did not like to sleep...it was like she thought she was missing out..!!

My husband would send me out for walks when we used the cio with her. She was much older though...I'd say 10months. Babies, they need a LOT of attention all the time.

My first baby came to me at 3 1/2 always slept...never had to use the cio method. But I have a little lady who came at the same age and she was colicy...I tried those gas drops on her after asking the parents to supply them and try them there selves...worked like a charm...not to mention burping every 1 and then working to 2 oz and so forth. She's 5 1/2 we started cio with her at 4mos. She is on a wonderful schedule although i really work around her. If she decides not to sleep I just keep her up until I see the signs that she's about to drop and lay her down. She'll fight it for 2 mins and out she goes. I only get that once in a while. But grandma and parents are now having a hard time getting her to take her naps. I found that she is getting hungry now and not just with a bottle she needs substance. If she isn't getting rice cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner she is cranky.....

In my opion.. You need to do what you feel WORKS for you. Not everything works for every child...it takes time to find what works for both child and provider. CIO does works for me and I believe that self soothing is a good thing. Do you let a child lay there and cry for ever...no,...I don't know anyone who could exhort it... I am sensitive to a babies cries...I'm picking them up ...but i am also going to try the cio. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. Today for me it didn't my little lady went past 7 min of cry and even picking up and laying back down didn't help...so I got her up and we played or tried to bc she was overly tired. She needed to sleep and I knew she needed to sleep. Eventually she feel asleep back in her pnp 30 min later then she normally does. It takes a lot of patience. Eventually they'll grow out of the colicy stage and get on a good sleep routine.

[frgsonmysox]

The thing about the hot button issues is that some things we can do as parents that we cannot do as providers and many of the AP things are something a parent can provide, not a daycare provider......such as a lot of baby wearing and "in arms" type care. Unfortunately, my daycare babies do some crying as wee ones but I only take one baby at a time (under 12 months) because they do need that extra time and attention, this way I don't have to do strict CIO with a young one. About 4 to 6 months is when I get them on to a routine and a well rested, well fed baby cries a lot less and keeps me from getting burnt out. I am horrified at the number of babies some providers or even facilities take. You know those kids are crying all day and most likely in equipment for most of the day.

I don't think it's impossible to not use CIO as a daycare provider. I've never had to use CIO when I was a nanny or worked at the centers (we had 8 babies to 2 providers). When I open up in June I'll have a 4 month old. If I take on a baby I'll only take on 1 other. I know I can care for that many without resorting to CIO. If I couldn't I wouldn't take those kids on.

I am about to have my 5th child and have never had to CIO with any of them, even when it comes to caring for my other kids. My three oldest are excellent sleepers now, my youngest is currently waking up once a night but thats a lot less than just a few weeks ago. We have never had to sleep train to get them to sleep.

I do agree that if you are about to lose your cool you need to step away for a few minutes, but thats vastly different than sleep training. It breaks my heart that so many providers are okay with CIO. I understand we all have different philosophies but I can't see separating my parenting philosophy from my Provider one.

[Hunni Bee]

I personally don't think a child that young belongs in child care yet.

But a question: does CIO refer to a child left alone in a crib to tire itself out with crying, or a child with a caregiver sitting nearby, gently touching the child and saying soothing words or both? Or does it matter?


I helped raise my now 2 year old nephew from birth, and around 4 or 5 months old, he decided he hated to nap or go to sleep at night. He had realized that going to sleep meant he couldn't be up with us anymore. It didn't matter how long we let him stay up or how much he'd played during the day, he hated sleep. If we let him just pass out without doing his routine, he'd be back up in an hour screaming and evil. So once he was fed, diapered, jammied, and sleepy-eyed, and we put him him down (or even rocked him), the angry screaming would start. And go on for sometimes 45 minutes or more, as he fought sleep. It didn't matter if he was down or in our arms. But we never gave in and let him get back up and play, no matter how hard he screamed...

BTW...he was generally a good baby...it was just THIS.

Were we allowing him to cry it out?

[SilverSabre25]

I personally don't think a child that young belongs in child care yet.

But a question: does CIO refer to a child left alone in a crib to tire itself out with crying, or a child with a caregiver sitting nearby, gently touching the child and saying soothing words or both? Or does it matter?


I helped raise my now 2 year old nephew from birth, and around 4 or 5 months old, he decided he hated to nap or go to sleep at night. He had realized that going to sleep meant he couldn't be up with us anymore. So once he was fed, diapered, jammied, and sleepy-eyed, and we put him him down (or even rocked him), the angry screaming would start. And go on for sometimes 45 minutes or more, as he fought sleep. It didn't matter if he was down or in our arms. But we never gave in and let him get back up and play, no matter how hard he screamed...

Were we allowing him to cry it out?

No, "Cry It Out" refers to leaving the child alone while they scream their poor little hearts out until they give up and go to sleep, from exhaustion. They give up hope that someone is going to come help them. They give up trust.

What you did with your nephew was fine.

Letting a baby fuss softly in their room alone, is fine.

Letting a baby scream until it's coughing and choking, letting a baby scream until his face turns red, letting a baby scream like alone that for hours upon hours, THAT is what "CIO" refers to. THAT is what is not okay. THAT is what is dangerous.

[CountryMommy]

I've been wondering the same thing, about what the definitions of CIO really are.

I also agree with the ones who said that children that young shouldn't be in a daycare setting. It kind of makes me wonder why people are having children if right after they are born, they send them off for someone else to take care of them for the vast majority of the day. It really, really saddens me because I strongly believe that young infants NEED their mommies.

[queenbee]

It kind of makes me wonder why people are having children if right after they are born, they send them off for someone else to take care of them for the vast majority of the day. It really, really saddens me because I strongly believe that young infants NEED their mommies.

CountryMommy - It's very unfortunate - but some parents can't afford to stay home with their new babies because of the economy. Maternity leave is NOT what it used to be. Some of my daycare parents have to got back to work after just 2-3 weeks after giving birth. If they stay home any longer, food doesn't get to the table

I dislike judgements made when parents honestly don't have a choice but to put their baby in daycare. Providing for a child cost money - money which doesn't get put into wallets unless parents are working.

[CountryMommy]

CountryMommy - It's very unfortunate - but some parents can't afford to stay home with their new babies because of the economy. Maternity leave is NOT what it used to be. Some of my daycare parents have to got back to work after just 2-3 weeks after giving birth. If they stay home any longer, food doesn't get to the table

I dislike judgements made when parents honestly don't have a choice but to put their baby in daycare. Providing for a child cost money - money which doesn't get put into wallets unless parents are working.

Believe me, I was not trying to be mean or make anyone feel bad. I GET that some parents don't have a choice but to work.

But my point was why have children when you will have to send them to daycare right off the bat? Why not wait until a time in your life, or make changes in your life, that would allow you to be able to be home with your child for at least the first while of their life? KWIM?

Seriously, you all need to move to Canada so you can enjoy the 52 weeks of maternity. :: It's sad that newborns go from the womb to a daycare setting so quickly, and that a mom doesn't have sufficient time to recuperate from labor and to really bond with her newborn. Your guys' system is screwy.

[SilverSabre25]

Believe me, I was not trying to be mean or make anyone feel bad. I GET that some parents don't have a choice but to work.

But my point was why have children when you will have to send them to daycare right off the bat? Why not wait until a time in your life, or make changes in your life, that would allow you to be able to be home with your child for at least the first while of their life? KWIM?

Seriously, you all need to move to Canada so you can enjoy the 52 weeks of maternity. :: It's sad that newborns go from the womb to a daycare setting so quickly, and that a mom doesn't have sufficient time to recuperate from labor and to really bond with her newborn. Your guys' system is screwy.

Amen to that!

Believe me, I've seriously considered moving there for that and other reasons! My father lives there so it wouldn't be *too* terribly weird to decide to do it.

Although, for good parental leave, I'd like to go to Norway, please. Or was it Sweden? Or Denmark? One of those Nordic countries. Each parent gets 18 months of parental leave, and it can be taken such that a child has a parent at home with them full-time until they are 3 years old. And they have free daycares, too, IIRC.

[CountryMommy]

Amen to that!

Believe me, I've seriously considered moving there for that and other reasons! My father lives there so it wouldn't be *too* terribly weird to decide to do it.

Although, for good parental leave, I'd like to go to Norway, please. Or was it Sweden? Or Denmark? One of those Nordic countries. Each parent gets 18 months of parental leave, and it can be taken such that a child has a parent at home with them full-time until they are 3 years old. And they have free daycares, too, IIRC.

Wow! That's amazing. Lucky, lucky children! (Not to mention parents!)