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So mom is really relaxed with her highly intelligent strong willed one, and I am much more structured and controlling of the child's behavior. I would not say overly controlling but yes when I say no don't stand on the chair for example...even when the child is 15 months...I expect the child to stop after being redirected, and especially after the third (or more) time and even more so after days and days of redirecting over the same thing. Especially when the child looks me in the eye while doing it...knowing it's a "no no". I have talked with mom and told her she needs to set some boundaries. She hears me but also comments about how she doesn't need to be overly controlling. So...I can see this causing problems down the road since the child gets different rules although I know kids adapt and will readily act one way at my place and different at home. Do I need to worry. I simply adore this child, and generally the child is very good and always in a great mood...the child just needs to be redirected a lot from doing exactly what the child is not supposed to do. Any advice?
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I have a 2.5 yo boy I have coined the "naughty boy" whose parents sound a lot like this. He has lots of very nasty behaviors, that even though I have redirected and given him consequences for it, he still does them. I know that he pretty much has free rein at home to do whatever he wants. Today, I was talking to dad about some of the behaviors he was having today, and all the while, he was kicking at his dad, attempting to kick at me, saying no and spitting at us both. And he just kept saying, "X, you have to be nice. Hey now."
Things will never change. His "D Day" is next Friday. Things just aren't improving, and it isn't fair to me or the rest of the kids in care to continue to care for him.
Sorry, went off on my own tangent. It is hard when the rules are different at home, or there is a lack of rules. It is amazing to me how much redirecting I have to do every day, to the same kids, for the same things. With my own kids, I would redirect them a few times, and they learned. Not these kids. What the heck?!!? -
I'm fairly new to home daycare, so anyone go ahead and correct me. I have found I am a lot more structured and rule oriented than all of my daycare parents. I have to be, I have 6 kids 3 and under. I was much more relaxed with my own children. Now I don't have time to give them many many chances. I'm not sure if this child you are talking about is 15 mos old. If so, I have one that sounds very similar. She is a smiley little thing, but very busy. Starting to talk a lot. A second child. I have found creating her own play area (toddler zone) to solve most of the problems I was having (climbing on preschooler chairs, then table dancing...massive toy destruction...etc). I still let her out into the main play area at times, but if I need to redirect too often, then back to her toddler zone. This creates more harmony between us
MnMum married to DH 9 years
Mum to Girl 21, Girl 18, Boy 14.5, Boy 11Comment
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Preaching to the Choir dear!
It's the rare parent that puts their child in full time childcare that actually knows how to parent effectively. They're leaving it up to you to raise up their child. Best wishes.Comment
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These kinds of parents drive me nuts. They are the ones who suddenly realize they NEED to be in control when it's too late.
It's too late to be the parent when the 17 year old tells them he IS taking the car and he WILL be out all night and he doesn't care WHAT they think or want.
It all starts with letting the child stand on the chair instead of insisting on rules.
Just keep doing what you are and hopefully you can ward off some the inevitable damage this mother is doing to her child.Comment
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dont even try to change the parents. either you can deal with it at daycare or the child needs to be replaced. generally, the parents are not going to care until it becomes their problem. if you keep bringing up the same complaints over and over, after mom is already not going to do anything about it, the mom may get defensive or even pull her daughter because she will view your comments as complaints or as indications that you cannot keep your kids under control. I never tell the parents anything unless it becomes a term/dont term issue. Mostly that would be prolonged crying with no resolution, aggressive behavior, or something that I seriously cannot handle.Comment
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Yes, that's for sure!
You cannot control what they do at home. You have a right to set rules in your home that promote safety, harmony, and your sanity! She will learn the difference, but there will be times when it's a challenge. Most notablly, at drop off or pick up (changing of the guard=chaos).
I have it extra fun-my 15 mo's from this type of situation are twins, so they double up on me. Sib 3yo and 4yo aren't much better with boundries. If you don't teach them at 15 months, they wont know at 3 or 4, certainly not at 14. Luckily, we don't have to see that part!
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Honestly, I know these are loving, caring parents. They are just so busy coping with everything in the short term, the long term doesn't even come into play. It's as simple as expecting a 3yo to take off her own shoes. Mom is trying to help 4 children at the same time, two of which CAN do it themselves, but they play her. Very hard to watch!Comment
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I am very free range, and relaxed. I let them stand on the chairs, but I might go stand next to him just in case.
They are allowed on top of the white table, but not on the other two tables. They can use the cube chairs for climbing, but not the blue angels chairs.
We have indoor climbers, trampolines, and some adult excersize equipment that they can use. They can climb, jump, and throw themselves down til their hearts content. I don't control any of that.
WHen the weather is nice, the doors are open, and they can roam freely in and out as they like. I don't control that either.
But, I have rules, and I stick to those rules. I'm not at all wishy washy about the rules. So, the kids know that when I say something, I mean it. I rarely stop them from doing anything.
One rule is, "If you can get on top of the stool, and back down again by yourself, you can be up there... if you need help, you can't be up there". Same with the jungle gym. I've had parents of three year olds gasp because their child was standing on the top of the jungle gym. I look at them like they are insane... I have 12 month olds who can get up there. Why freak out over a three year old?
Anyway... I like being free range. I think the kids learn more, and are more independent.Comment
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This reminds me of Magda Gerber's approach of "Educaring" (RIE).
"infants should be left to explore a child-safe environment with minimal adult intervention, because “spontaneous, self-initiated activities have an essential value". I'm much the same
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You're too loud,
Are you current on all your first aid training?Comment
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That's funny..I spend a lot of time on Janet's site. Some I agree with, some I don't.This reminds me of Magda Gerber's approach of "Educaring" (RIE).
"infants should be left to explore a child-safe environment with minimal adult intervention, because “spontaneous, self-initiated activities have an essential value". I'm much the same
http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/03...to-child-care/
The only problem is, nothing is truly toddler proof. My 15mo old twins just pulled down my wooden refrigerator, something they shouldn't be able to do. Of course, al the shelving units in the room are secured, but I didn't think they could budge that thing.
I had a friend who found her 2 year old on TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR. Teddy Grahams were in the cabinet above. My ex and I also once found the same child on top of a huge stack of oil cans at Menards. Thankfully, he survived his early childhood and he is 18 now.
I, too, let them climb certain places, but I also want them to learn that this is my home. The playroom is very limited on "no's", but the rest of the house is my space, and they need to respect it. My couches are not for jumping on, for instance.Comment
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I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.
We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.Comment
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Marina-do you have any pics of your environment?I get that, I'm also like this too. I have rules set in place to keep them safe and yes I set boundaries and instead of just saying "no" I offer an alternative to whatever they are doing. "Instead of jumping on the couch, let's go play hopscotch", "Instead of drawing on the walls, let's draw on the concrete with chalk" etc.
I do think that a child no matter how young should be allowed to truly see where their physical boundaries are and yes, nothing is truly child proof but just because that's true that doesn't mean that we shouldn't let the children play with anything.
I let the babies (under 1yo) climb here on wooden crates and boxes (smooth). They're all different sizes and some get flipped upside down and grouped together to create platforms and obsticles. My infants climb in, climb on, climb over and stand on these boxes. Parents have given me this face and I just ask them to watch as their infant successfully maneuvers around them. I have had parents request that I not allow their infant to play on the wooden crates and boxes and I of course complied but I found that it was these children that were inept at climbing and balance and they were more prone to accidents. Possibly because they were not allowed to fully practice their physical skills? The other babies that were allowed to play on these and later on more difficult structures mastered certain skills faster and were better at these than the kids that were not allowed to. The infants that could not play on the crates later (at about 2) would be almost "afraid" of the playground structures at the park and wouldn't even climb on the steps to get onto it for a while, the other 2yo's that were more free could climb all over the pre-school playground and slide down the slide on their own efficiently. I did a project for school about it, it was really interesting.
We need to learn to trust our children, we don't give their physical capabilities enough credit. Has a baby lost balanced and bonked themeselves? Sure. But they have also done that simply from walking around my living room on the carpet. I think that supervision is key also, obviously I don't let the kids climb without supervising them as I'm sure that neither does yourtooloud. You'd be amazed at what an infant, let alone a toddler or older child, can do if you trust them and let them work on their large motor development. It's also great on their self esteem.
I recently changed out the table in my infant & toddler area. The 20" one was always being climbed on, so I traded it for a 10" one. Now, it is no longer a "no" , because it is safe. Much better since then!Comment
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