Just Exhausted

**Heidi** · 11-10-2011, 11:56 AM

If DH doesn't get it, just hand him DS and say "I'm sorry, I don't feel well. I am going to bed". Give them each a kiss, and then do it! The world will NOT fall apart without you.

Besides, when he is sick, I am wiling to bet that is what he does????

You can always pull the 'Hey, YOU are the one that got me into this mess!"

**godiva83** · 11-10-2011, 12:00 PM

True - so obvious but so true! That will be my plan tonight

BUT I know I will wake up to a house that is a disaster

**sharlan** · 11-10-2011, 12:05 PM

It sounds like you are having a rough time right now. If need be, tell your assistant exactly what you need from her right now, in writing.

**nannyde** · 11-10-2011, 12:37 PM

Originally posted by godiva83

Hi everyone I just need to vent today... And this is the place to do it!!!

I am about 8 weeks pregnant and have had such a rocky start to this pregnancy, with low progesterone, spotting and now 'all day sickness'
Between the progesterone shots, Diclectin and my other meds I am totally drugged up and just EXHAUSTED

I have an assistant, but she doesn't seem to get that sometimes I just need her here so I can go sit with my feet up- I am afraid I will have to let her go soon, and search for another one!!
My house is falling apart, DH is upset because he says I am harping on him all the time- but he doesn't get that I need his help with cleaning and taking care of our DS in the evening.
Ugh sorry just so emotionally drained and physically exhausted I am praying I get more strength soon or I am afraid I may have to close shop

When your DH is cleaning the home and caring for his son he is NOT helping you. He is DOING HIS JOB.

Can you imagine the reaction he would get if he said "my wife doesn't help me clean or care for our son"

Silly isn't it.

You need to get across to him that his JOB is to clean, cook, do laundry, and care for the children. He isn't your helper. He is the owner of the job in the first place. Just because you are working in the home it doesn't meant that the home and kid become your responsibility. He has to understand that when he gets home from his job he needs to dig right in and do housework, laundry, child care, etc.

What is your helper doing when she's not doing what you want her to do?

**Nellie** · 11-10-2011, 02:00 PM

I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well and will pray that you will regain strength, energy, and alertness. I've been there and I know how miserable it is. Give your assistant a job description, duties, and what is expected from her(if you already haven't). I sometimes think that they belive they are equal and if you are taking a break they can too. If she isn't doing what you would like, let her know. Redirect her to the tasks that need to be done. If you want to go take a nap, give her duties that you expect her to do while you are napping. I don't know how long your assistant stays through out the day and I don't know how many kids you have, but if you can make sure the last hour she is there is devoted to cleaning(especially if she is there in the afternoon). Work with the DCK's on picking up after themselves(if they already don't).

If you live in a warmer climate area maybe take the kids outside after nap(to keep the house cleaner in the afternoon). Maybe do a craft at the table or play a games with them in the afternoon to try to keep some of the toys put away. I'm typically a NO tv gal, but in circumstances like this maybe the last 1/2 hour of the day have a show on for the kids to watch so you can do some cleaning then. If you can have the majority of the house clean when your DH gets home let him know that now it is HIS responsibility to pick up after himself and your son and go to bed.

Try to simplify anything in your home life that you can. Even with a dishwasher loading and unloading it can take time. Perhaps use paper plates, bowls, and silverware. I use steam-able bags of veggies that go in the microwave. Even though it is just one pot that isn't being used it saves a little space in the dishwasher. If you wash the floors on your hands and knees, buy a swiffer mop. Try to make the easiest suppers possible. Especially on days that you are feeling particularly under the weather have frozen meals that you just need to stick in the oven or quick fry up.
Let your husband know that you need help. Maybe he doesn't know what you need done and give him his "chores". Let him know that with out help you may have to quit doing the daycare until you are feeling better. With the spotting you have had I would imagine that you should be getting as much rest and limited heavy physical activity. Get any help from friends and family if possible.

I realize it is hard to ask for help, but I'm sure most love to help. Get as many sisters, sister in laws, nieces, nephews, neighbors, friends, and church members to come over on a Sat or Sunday afternoon and have them cook daycare lunches that can be frozen and heated up. Have them help out with the weekly dusting, washing windows, bathrooms, and laundry. If you are on Facebook send out an invitation for a cooking/cleaning event. Explain that you are very sick and need the help. What takes one person 5 hours to complete on there own will only take 4 an hour. If I lived near you I'd come over and help.

I had all day sickness with the last 2 of my children that lasted the entire pregnancy. It did lighten up as the pregnancy went on, but there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't throw up at least once. Because I was a stay at home mom I think that is why my OB never offered me anything for the sickness. I have had friends that were given anti nausea medication so that they were able to continue with work. Perhaps you could ask. If you were sick with the entire pregnancy with your other child/children maybe you might consider getting rid off all but 2 or 3 of the daycare kids. Get rid of the assistant and keep the best paying and easiest children(if it is something that you can afford to do).

Congratulations on you new bundle of joy that is on it's way. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you start feeling better soon.

**cheerfuldom** · 11-10-2011, 02:23 PM

you need to redistribute tasks between you and your husband. he cannot do the whole "women's work" thing since you are doing daycare and helping him with the income, the "man's work". He can't have the housewife and the money-making wife. Do not let him guilt you into doing everything. Thats a fast track for burn out and eventually divorce. I see this with A LOT of my friends that are working women and me and my husband went through it too. Happily, he finally matured and will do everything at home that is needed. We are a team in every way but it took 9 years to get there.

**CheekyChick** · 11-10-2011, 03:13 PM

I'm sorry you're struggling...

This is what I would do:

A) Find an assistant who is capable of doing more and keeping things in order so you can rest at least an hour a day.

B) Have a heart to heart with hubby. Tell him you are going to CRACK if he can't help a bit more at night. Throw in a few tears for good measure.

C) Remember that you will hopefully feel better after the first trimester.

Things WILL get better. It just may take time to get there...

**godiva83** · 11-11-2011, 09:26 AM

Thanks everyone

And Nellie you are so sweet I would take you up on your offer- too bad I don't have Neighbours like you gals.
Sadly I haven't had time to talk to DH so nothing has changed there and my assistant called in sick for the rest of the week!!

Thankfully my SIL had work off and wanted to take DS for the day! However, she can be so rude and she made some silly comments about 'morning sickness' being an all mental thing and I really need to pull it together soon... I almost slapped her I was so upset! We are suppssed to go for dinner at my inlaws but 'mentally' I don't think I can make it

**hoopinglady** · 11-11-2011, 09:37 AM

Hang in there. Everyone has really good advice.

Also, in my experience, I felt really good months 4-7.

Congrats to you, too!

**daycare** · 11-11-2011, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by godiva83

Thanks everyone

And Nellie you are so sweet I would take you up on your offer- too bad I don't have Neighbours like you gals.
Sadly I haven't had time to talk to DH so nothing has changed there and my assistant called in sick for the rest of the week!!

Thankfully my SIL had work off and wanted to take DS for the day! However, she can be so rude and she made some silly comments about 'morning sickness' being an all mental thing and I really need to pull it together soon... I almost slapped her I was so upset! We are suppssed to go for dinner at my inlaws but 'mentally' I don't think I can make it

If morning sickness is all mental then why did I throw up my entire pregnancy both times and had to be on bed rest, 2x week hospital IV , and put on zofran for the entire pregnancies.

I wish it were mental.. If it were then you could force yourself to throw up on her. Show her just how much mental control you have.

You poor thing. You need to wake up on a Saturday morning, leave a sweet note to your family on the counter and go find a nice inexpensive day spa to spoil yourself and the new baby.

I had to get out like this a few times or I was going to check out.

Hugs and luck to you...

**godiva83** · 11-11-2011, 10:13 AM

Daycare- I wanted to throw up all over her designer boots so badly!!

I am taking Diclectin an anti- nausea medication that was prescribed by my doctor not a psychiatrist

Great idea about the spa

**Canadianprovider** · 04-13-2012, 09:52 PM

Get things in order now before things get more hectic! If you think it's exhausting now, what are you going to do when you have been up all night with a sick baby and are feeling sick too?? I'm not being mean, just trying to give you a dose of reality...babies are not easy...especially when your sick too. I think writing up some kind of agreement with your husband now, and/or talking about the what ifs might benefit, instead of determining who does what when you have a crying baby. If things get too stressful, always tell yourself "This Too Shall Pass", and remember tough moments don't last forever!

**Meyou** · 04-14-2012, 03:14 AM

Originally posted by godiva83

Daycare- I wanted to throw up all over her designer boots so badly!!

I am taking Diclectin an anti- nausea medication that was prescribed by my doctor not a psychiatrist

Great idea about the spa

You might want to talk to your doctor about increasing the diclectin. I had to take it 4 times per day with both my pregnancies to barely function but it did help ALOT. When I missed one I was a horrible mess. It shouldn't make you tired either....that's probably just everything else going on.

...and hugs. lovethis

Just Exhausted

Just Exhausted

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