Terming A Child....

[KBCsMommy]

I have this 2.5 dcb in care who is just not going to work out. Hes been in care for 3 weeks on MTW. Hes never been in daycare, mom has just gone back to work, and they just moved here.

So first week went ok, but dcb is really sassy. Rolls his eyes constantly at me, everything I ask or tell him its "Okayyyyy" ( think 13 yr old girl!)
Second week not good, its week 1 plus now he argues with my son, takes toys from all the kids, everything is " thats mine".
This week he is everything before plus, he is really into antagonizing my son and another dcb until they are in tears, he cries constantly for daddy and his blanket, and now I literally cannot turn my back on him. He watches me and the second I turn around he does something hes not supposed to , throwing toys, taking toys, basically everything Ive told him not to.
Everytime I ask him to do something he tells me no.
And zero manners. From day 1 Ive been telling him you need to say please and he just glares at me.

So all my time with him is all negative behavoir, Ive tried watching him to catch him sharing or doing something positive and praise him. But any attention I give him just sends him up the wall and he gets crazy! Ive also completely seperated him and my son into different rooms, but one of them will have to play by themselves and its always my son because I cant take my eyeballs off dcb!

So with that said, its just not going to work out with this child! Its not worth the stress or peanuts I get paid to watch him! What should I tell dcm, that Im overwhelmed with all the kids? I dont want to tell her that her child is well you know .....

[cheerfuldom]

Do not tell her a lie but you don't have to say all the details either. I would go with the fall back of "it's not the right fit". I would stick with that unless she really really pushes it. After that, I would tell her that he needs more attention than you can give right now and a longer adjustment period than you give and then back to "its just not the right fit". I only tell a family every detail if I feel that they really are prepared to hear the truth. It will take forever to adjust a part time 3 year old that has never had structure or boundaries. I think you are making the right choice, especially for your son's sake. Mom is not going to like it but just stand firm in your decision. 3 weeks with no progress and escalation is clearly not the right fit. I would say to hang in there if it was a full timer but part timers are hard, no matter what the age.

[Heidi]

Have you said anything to her so far? Maybe a talk is in order before you terminate? Or, a more brief "he is just not fitting into the group". Don't take the blame by saying your overwhelmed, it is him that is the problem.

[pfund2233]

Dear (insert parent’s names),

I firmly believe with all my heart that each child we encounter has this really neat little person "lurking" inside, just waiting to come out and play and interact with us. The catch is that there are locks and keys involved. NOT EVERY PROVIDER HAS THE KEY TO EVERY CHILD. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all did?

I believe we have to make an honest effort to explore the possibility that we may indeed have the key for a particular child. We also have to be able to face the reality that there are some children we don't have the key for, never did and never will. We have to be willing to let these children go and hope that somewhere down the line, and hoping that that line is very short for the child's sake, there is indeed someone with their key.

I think that this is an extremely polite and uncruel way to explain to a parent why their child can no longer participate in my daycare. The last day I will provide services for your family is (insert date). It takes a lot of personal courage on my part to speak these things out loud. We want to be everything to everyone and frankly I just can't. If you have questions please let me know.

Sincerely,
(insert your name and contact info)


This is my generic "polite" termination letter! Feel free to use!

[meganlavonnesmommy]

LOVE that term letter! Very well put and nice. I may steal that one, thanks for sharing.

[AfterSchoolMom]

Dear (insert parent’s names),

I firmly believe with all my heart that each child we encounter has this really neat little person "lurking" inside, just waiting to come out and play and interact with us. The catch is that there are locks and keys involved. NOT EVERY PROVIDER HAS THE KEY TO EVERY CHILD. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all did?

I believe we have to make an honest effort to explore the possibility that we may indeed have the key for a particular child. We also have to be able to face the reality that there are some children we don't have the key for, never did and never will. We have to be willing to let these children go and hope that somewhere down the line, and hoping that that line is very short for the child's sake, there is indeed someone with their key.

I think that this is an extremely polite and uncruel way to explain to a parent why their child can no longer participate in my daycare. The last day I will provide services for your family is (insert date). It takes a lot of personal courage on my part to speak these things out loud. We want to be everything to everyone and frankly I just can't. If you have questions please let me know.

Sincerely,
(insert your name and contact info)


This is my generic "polite" termination letter! Feel free to use!

I don't know that I'd say IN the letter to the parent that it's a polite way of explaining...but other than that, I like that explanation a lot!

[KBCsMommy]

I have talked to her about this twice, about the kids not getting along. So she did have an idea what was happening.
Originally I told her he just needed some time to adjust, since normally they just need time.
So I called some daycares in our area with openings.
Then I called dcm and i just told her it wasnt going to work, that the kids just werent getting along.
She said her son was not wanting to come over in the mornings too!
So I gave her the numbers....she said she was glad I was honest with her.
And that was that!
Shes off for the next couple of days so hopefully she will find another daycare that suits her ds better!

I feel like crap for not being able to help her out, but I did give her other options too.

[KBCsMommy]

And this is the first time I had to do this.......

[sharlan]

It's impossible to be the "right" provider for every child. You did the best that you could to make it work for this child. Your honesty was probably very appreciated by the mom.

[gelbesonn]

I have talked to her about this twice, about the kids not getting along. So she did have an idea what was happening.
Originally I told her he just needed some time to adjust, since normally they just need time.
So I called some daycares in our area with openings.
Then I called dcm and i just told her it wasnt going to work, that the kids just werent getting along.
She said her son was not wanting to come over in the mornings too!
So I gave her the numbers....she said she was glad I was honest with her.
And that was that!
Shes off for the next couple of days so hopefully she will find another daycare that suits her ds better!

I feel like crap for not being able to help her out, but I did give her other options too.

This all sounds perfect! It sounds like he wasn't happy there either. It's always good when you term on a good note (meaning, people aren't going to NOT refer people to you). I think giving her other options was wonderful.

[KBCsMommy]

So an update on this terror kiddo!!!

Saw the dcm at Kohls on Black Friday, she said dcb was doing horrible at the preschool I suggested.

Hes on his third class. They keep kicking him out of classes because of his behavoir!!!

I said " Oh no REALLY...that's too bad!!" (insert sarcasm!!!!)

I feel bad for the mom, because shes having a hard time dealing with it and finally realizes hes not the angel she thought he was.