What Do I Do About These Children

[Amadia]

I have two girls (sisters) in my daycare an 11 month old and a 3 year old. They have never been in daycare before and I knew it would be an adjustment but my goodness this is getting crazy.

The youngest screams unless she is being held, if you put her down even for a moment she freaks out. I have tried everything: making sure she can see me; standing near her while she is sitting on the floor, letting her cry and nothing is working. She just screams and screams (that blood curtailing make your skin crawl scream). It makes everything difficult; making lunch, crafts, school activities, and playing with other children. I have had to reschedule my day around her naps (the only time I can get anything done)

The older girl spends all day saying she is hungry. She won’t eat half of the foods I make because she refuses all veggies and most healthy options. I try to make reasonable substations for her but I refuse to have junk food in my home. She throws tantrums, hits; uses "mean" words (idiot, stupid, etc), pulls hair and everything else you can think of. She was potty trained when she started and is no longer using the bathroom. I'll ask her to go use the bathroom and she'll put her hands on her hips, glare, and pee on the floor right in front of me. Towards the end of the day (after many time outs) she will be a little better but comes back the next day worse and at the end of the week she is almost manageable but comes back on Monday a terror.

Does anyone have any ideas? It's been three months now and I thought things would have settled down a little by now. I know they aren’t use to being away from their Mom, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Is there something else I should be doing or is it time to call it quits? I have two other kids in my care (besides my own) and they are fantastic! Sweet kids who love the preschool curriculum and are well behaved. I worry that they will start to develop these girls' bad habits.

[Daycare Mommy]

First off, personally I would give notice right now. If you have a good little group and this family is making you and everyone else miserable after months of your trying to get them to settle into the routine (it sounds like there is no improvement with the baby and the older one has just gotten worse!) then it may be time for them to move on.

If you decide to give them another chance before terminating, I'd have a conference with mom and dad. Sit them down and tell them everything that is happening and that you won't be able to continue to be their provider if you can't work together to improve the behavior. Sometimes it's surprisingly helpful just to have mom and dad give kids a serious eye-to-eye contact talk saying "You need to obey Miss __ when you are in her home. blah blah blah" at drop-off time for a while.

I don't have any advice for you on the "screamer" since I quit watching infants and young toddlers for just this reason. Perhaps if you decide to give the older sister a couple more weeks to adjust then the baby will happen to calm down during that time? Hopefully other posters that work with the littler ones will have better advice than this.

For the older girl I'd start "daycare boot camp" be inflexible and consistent with your expectations and consequences for her. Here's something I read last night from "Kid Cooperation" by Elizabeth Pantley (Great book btw!) that I jotted down:

When [providers] are inconsistent, children will test the rules constantly. It is very much like the gambler who plays the slot machines. A gambler will put money into a machine only so many times with no return. If he hits the jackpot every 10 or 15 times the gambler will stick like glue to that machine. However, if after 30 or 40 tries there is still no reward, the gambler will find a new game. Keep this in mind when disciplining your children. It's okay to be inconsistent once in a while. But if your little gambler knows that it's possible at any moment to win the game, he'll pull that lever every time.

On the food: "You don't like what we are having for breakfast? Okay. That's your choice, but your tummy is going to feel very empty until snack time." The same thing at snack and then lunch. I make absolutely NO substitutions or additional food between meals unless there is a food allergy I have to work around. If you give in even every once in a great while she will keep pushing this.

On the tantrums, hitting, name-calling, urinating on herself on purpose, etc. She'd be separated from the group every single time. If her time outs are disruptive to the group still move the time out location farther away (where you can still see her of course) and perhaps into a pack-n-play for it if she's the type to not stay put unless you are right there. I'd move forward with the group while she is in time out. Pull out some Play-Doh and play with the other children. Show her that everyone's day doesn't stop when she throws a fit and that she is going to miss out on fun things if she misbehaves. For the non-accidents, I don't know how often this happens, but if it's multiple times a week, she needs to go back into pullups until that stops.

Good luck whatever direction you decide to take with this family!

[Persephone]

WOW! Yeah, after 3 months of the screaming itself, I would call it quits. As for the 3 year old, sounds like she's got some issues going on at home, if she's worse at the start of the week. Are her parents together or is she spending weekends with one parent and weekdays with another?

I know what some other women on here said about the screaming was that they must be tried so they said to put them in the pack-n-play for nap time. Once they stop screaming they can come out.

[momma2girls]

I know I have actually kept seperation anxiety children way too long. I felt so badly for them, but there is absolutely nothing you can do for them. I have tried everything imaginable to help out, but nothing worked!!! After one month, I had to tell the family I couldn't continue this any longer!! It was totally not fair to the other children here at daycare, inc. myself. WOW!!!! Once I didn't have them any longer, a huge weight had been lifted!!!!!!!!! What a new world!!!!!!!

[Unregistered]

I'd give the parents a notice stating that they are on a two week probation period due to the yougest childs non stop screaming and the olders unexceptable behavior, tell them that you have given them 3 months to adjust and that most children would have calmed down by now so if they infant doesnt stop crying all day they gotta go at the end of two weeks, also outline ALL the older girls behavior to parents and state that if that behavior doesnt stop they will be terminated, make sure they know that she is a bully, try to do it nicely but they need to know so they can try to correct the behavior..
One accident is just that, an accident but her glaring at you and peeing on purpose? Oh hell no, she'd be scrubbing the floor,cleanng herself and going to time out,I'd make parents provide pull ups immidiatly untill she can go two weeks without accidents..However mho is that it sounds like these kids are spoiled and doubtfull the parents will do anything other than blame you..Good luck
Kiddie Care

[MarinaVanessa]

Are her parents together or is she spending weekends with one parent and weekdays with another?

I was just going to ask the same question. My daughter goes with her dad every other weekend and she's good the entire week before going to his house but as soon as Sunday night rolls around she's a different child. It's takes us half a week just to get her back to her routine and then she's good again the next week just to have to go to her dads house and it starts all over again.

Oh but God bless you for giving it three months. Of course I did have a dcb about that age that did that all of the time but it lasted only a month and I thought I was at my wits end. I'm like you and like to try and work everything out first and terminate as a last resort but three months seems like both children are not adjusting well at all. It may be harming them socially. Sometimes children and providers are just not a good fit (I've had my share of those) and if it makes everthing harder then just talk to the parents and give them notice. The idea of being a provider is being able to care for children in your home because you love doing it, if the two kids take that and make it stressfull then whats the point?

Good luck to you. Keep us posted on the outcome.

[Amadia]

So the two little girls came today and were sick. I can't believe this mother. They're here for an hour when I go to change the baby's diaper and she has awful diarrhea then the older girl pukes all over my floor. She tells me that she threw up on her Mommy's couch last night. The women never said one word about them being sick. She said they had great night. Oh and then surprise surprise I couldn't get a hold of her for 4 hours. She didn't answer her cell phone and none of her other "emergency" contacts were home. (She's suppose to be out job hunting so I don't even have a work number) When she picks them up and I confront her about the older girl being sick last night she said she thought it was just something she ate and that she was fine after she puked (right!) I finally had enough and gave her notice right there.

[momma2girls]

So the two little girls came today and were sick. I can't believe this mother. They're here for an hour when I go to change the baby's diaper and she has awful diarrhea then the older girl pukes all over my floor. She tells me that she threw up on her Mommy's couch last night. The women never said one word about them being sick. She said they had great night. Oh and then surprise surprise I couldn't get a hold of her for 4 hours. She didn't answer her cell phone and none of her other "emergency" contacts were home. (She's suppose to be out job hunting so I don't even have a work number) When she picks them up and I confront her about the older girl being sick last night she said she thought it was just something she ate and that she was fine after she puked (right!) I finally had enough and gave her notice right there.

Good for you for standing up!!!!!!!! We all need to do more of that!!!

[MarinaVanessa]

Yes I agree. Good for you. At least you can say that you gave it a whirl. Doesn't sound like neither the kids or the parent were a good fot for you. Good luck.