Kids Ran Off In The Park!

[youretooloud]

I do not agree that the children have ANY responsibility in this. You are their leader and you must be able to determine whether they can manage their physical environment without danger. That's your job to monitor... not theirs.

I agree. Sure, i'd be mad at the kids...but, not ACTUALLY mad. Just mad that it happened. Two little kids like that are just loving life and running free. They don't look back to see where the grownups are... they are having a blast. It wasn't naughty of them, they didn't even notice that you were lost.

[sharlan]

How awful!

I lost a kid at my house once. He was gone for a long time. I looked, and looked. I had the kids looking, I even left the kids in the house and looked out front.

It was the worst four hours of my life. (it was probably less than five minutes, but it was awful)

The WORST part of that, was he was stuck under something heavy out in the yard. I'm guessing he was stuck for ten-twenty minutes. (because he was gone for a bit before I started looking for him) It was extremely hot outside, so this poor kid was stuck in the heat for a very long time.

It's been 15 years, and I've never fully gotten over that feeling that he was lost or stolen.

You never forget your mistakes, just pray that you do better next time. I lost a 3 yo at Knott's Berry Farm for about 30 mins.

[Daycare Diva]

This is why I don't take my dck off of my property. I am licensed for 6 and I do not have a helper. I have set up my backyard to be as fun as the park and we go for walks around my property. I would never take dck out in town. Too many kids and too many variables.

[momofsix]

First let me say that anyone who has done child care for any length of time has made mistakes that could be the difference of life/death or serious injury. No matter what proffession you are in when you are caring for human beings you are going to make human mistakes. I have made a handfull of mistakes that if luck wasn't on my side I could have lost a child and lost my nurse's licensce and my ability to take care of kids.

These "near misses" incidences are there to teach you a life lesson. One part of the lesson is learning what to do when you make a serious mistake and what you must do to not repeat it.

I believe that you are making a serious mistake in not telling the parents about this for a number of reasons. The first one is that the parents have a right to decide for themselves whether or not this error is grounds to remove their child from their care. They are trusting you to care for their child every day when they drop them off. Not giving them the truth means their choice is not made willingly and with full knowledge of your abilities and your judgement.

Your decision to spare them is really to spare yourself. You are either worried that they will remove the children and possibly report this or you are worried that they will be upset. Please don't fool yourself into thinking that ignorance is bliss. If you do that, I can promise that eventually they will find this out. Your nondisclosure makes this SO much worse because you are robbing them of the decisions they need to make and their ability to exact the consequences they may deem necessary.

If you tell them the truth and they accept that it is an error in judgement and believe you have put in the safety measures to insure it won't happen again then you can move on and count this as a serious life lesson. If you hide this it will haunt you and will eventually land back in your lap in a much worse case then then it is today.

I do not agree that the children have ANY responsibility in this. You are their leader and you must be able to determine whether they can manage their physical environment without danger. That's your job to monitor... not theirs.

The next thing is that you must deconstruct this and figure out where your mistake is. I believe that you have overestimated your supervision abilities and that having a second person lulled you into a false sense of supervision. When you have TWO responsible people often the personal responsibilities lessens or becomes gray causing the actual security and supervision to lessen.

So when you are with your helper you have to recognize that having her help comes at a price. The price is that your guard drops. Your heightened sense of alertness is quelled by a false sense that there is safety in numbers.

You defeat this by having SPECIFIC assisgnments of responsibility so that you each have less to do by dividing then more to do by sharing.

I have a helper who is highly trained by me......... hand trained for 2.5 years and I can promise you that there has NEVER been a day when we have taken six little kids to a park and let them free play in a wide open space. I don't do that because I KNOW that I do NOT have the skill to pull that off and my helper sure doesn't.

I'm not saying it's not possible but I can say for sure that "I" can't manage it. The kids we have require WAY too much supervision to remain safe minute to minute then us two adults could offer.

When we do go to the park we only do it when we have low numbers and when we have at most.. ONE of our two year olds. Our two year olds need direct proximal supervision every second they are on equipment and when they are free walking.

Please consider "tot a longs". http://www.amazon.com/Safety-1st-Bab.../dp/B000XPV4CK

They are elastic bands that have velcro closures on both ends. They can attach to the childs wrist and to you or your stroller. I use them every day on every kid every time we walk out of the house. These would come in handy at the park for you to attach the kids to you but still give them some room to move around within a few feet of you.

Please please please reconsider telling the parents and having the OPEN conversation you NEED to have with them and your licensor about this mistake. Do it for the kids, your helper, and yourself. The parents deserve to know. Your staff assistant needs to see you be HONEST and face up to this mistake. Your licensor (if you are licensed) needs to have the opportunity to decide or offer you training or supervision based on this mistake to correct it.

AND YOU.. you need the life experience to know and fully understand that when you make a mistake with children you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS tell the truth and tell it RIGHT AWAY. The truth of a mistake is way less than the lie or lie of ommission of a mistake.

This exactly. Everything she said. I just ordered some of the tot-a-longs myself, I had been "thinking" about getting something, but your post gave me the push I needed.
Sorry you had to go through this scare.

[nannyde]

This exactly. Everything she said. I just ordered some of the tot-a-longs myself, I had been "thinking" about getting something, but your post gave me the push I needed.
Sorry you had to go through this scare.

The tot a longs are so minimal as far as "attachment" but they work perfectly. As they age they stretch. I would use the stretched out older ones in a case like this so they would have more free range room.

The number one thing about the tot a longs is that you MUST train the kid that they are NEVER to touch the closures. ALWAYS... every single time... whether it is easier for you or not... ALWAYS be the one to unclasp them.

They shouldn't practice undoing them and they should not be allowed to do it freely. If they learn the closure is off limits they will leave it alone.

[Crystal]

So, did you decide to tell the parents? If so, how did they take it?

[Unregistered]

How did you handle it?

I know that it had a horrible experience for everyone involved! I hope that you made the decision to tell the parents on your own rather than risk letting them find out from someone else. Nan's advice for you was good and I really hope that you followed it.

Being honest with the parents might cost you their business, but then again, it might not. Trust is built by being honest with each other.

[DCMom]

I also agree with nannyde. Very well said.

[Hunni Bee]

The ONLY time I've EVER lost a child was when I had an assistant with me. EVER.

[Unregistered]

Thanks to everyone who responded! I feel much better after hearing other stories and thank you for the ideas. I spoke to the parents and they were actually not upset, they were apologizing to me for what their child put me through. I explained that we aren't going to the park for a while until they are better at listening, and they understood that too. Both parents knew that their children are "runners" and asked for any ideas I had for what they could do to help, since they do the same to their parents. So it was good that I talked to them and I feel better now. The plan is just go out to the backyard for the next month or so and then if we do go to the park, my assistant will have more detailed instuctions and 3 specific children to watch and I will have the other 3. One warning and into the stroller, and then backpack leashes if needed.

[sharlan]

I'm glad it went well with the parents. I've always believed that honesty is most important.